This Blog is Going to Embarrass my Husband

In the morning, every morning, when my husband Michael first awakes, he rolls over and drapes his long, lean arm across my body.  He nestles his chin into the back of my shoulder; his lips, dry from morning, press against my ear. And with pebbles of sleep in his gravely voice, he sings.

It’s more of a chant really.  He isn’t the best singer in the world.

But the words never change.

I wish I could give the music to you on this page.  But the words will have to be enough.

Imagine me, half sleeping.  And imagine him, his chant, a half-song.

“You are the prettiest wife in the world” and the hairs along my neck and in my cochlea are all tall and listening.

I am wearing cropped yoga pants with a large dog-toothed shaped hole in the back and a ribbed white tank top, no bra.
I had a shower two nights ago.  I think.
My hair is knotted and matted against the pillowcase, covering the drool that had run down my (two) chin(s) in my sleep.
Needless to say, I am not the prettiest wife in the world.
Odds are, I am not even the Top 100.  In fact, if there was a competition to be held, a Who Is The Prettiest Wife in the World pageant, they would probably disqualify me based on length of my leg hair alone.

But here’s the thing.  He really believes I am that wife.  He really believes I am the prettiest.

Me.

Me?

I had four babies before I met him.  I have stretch marks in places I didn’t think were supposed to stretch, behind my knees and above my ribs.  I have a torso that is too long and legs that are so short that I can’t rest my feet on the ground at my desk. They just dangle there, like I’m some odd undergrown character on The Big Comfy Couch.  I wear a size ten jeans.  I own lots of Spanx. When I run (which I only do if I am being chased or need to get to Everything’s $1 Day at the Salvation Army), my vague approximation of a bosom flops up dangerously. It’s all, oranges in tube socks, wielding themselves menacingly up near my head with every step.  It’s some crazy produce, let me tell you.  And he’s seen that shit.  Like, in the flesh. 
He’s seen it and he THINKS I’M THE PRETTIEST WIFE IN THE WORLD.

There were a couple of logical explanations that I needed to explore.  First, after putting him through several at home eye tests with every app I could locate on my iPhone, I can safely say don’t think he has difficulties with his vision.  So the explanation of, HE ISN’T REALLY SEEING ME is out.

Second, I can safely rule out HE HASN’T EVER SEEN ANYONE ELSE NAKED since he was A) married before me and B) may or may not own or once upon a time has seen a copy of Playboy Magazine, bought and read, purely for the “quality writing” and “informative stories”, of course.

So how is it that he sees me as so amazingly beautiful and when I see myself, all I see is…destruction?

That, I blame on you.

Okay, not you exactly, but the guy sitting in the cubicle next to you.
And your 7th grade teacher.
And the salesperson at Victoria Secret who told me, awhile ago, that they didn’t sell their bras in my size in the store.

They are to blame.  They are to blame because they represent a large part of society that can’t see anything but THIS:

as beautiful.

I can’t argue that THAT, up there, ISN’T beautiful.  I’m just arguing that THIS:

and this:

FullSizeRender (1)

Well.  That is beautiful too.

Your husband thinks so.  He tells you so.

But you don’t listen, do you?

Think hard about this.  While you are climbing into the shower naked, wishing for a flatter belly, your husband is just trying to catch a view of your rack. Isn’t he?  You know he is.
If you turned around and said, “hey buddy, let’s go for this, right here, right now”, do you really think he would say, “Sure, but let’s turn out the lights first so I don’t have to see your stretch marks.”?  Really?

Here’s the thing.  While wives think they would be prettier/sexier/hotter if they just had a tummy tuck or lost ten pounds, husbands think they are pretty damn hot the way they are.
I’ve asked around.  It’s pretty unanimous.

But really, all the research that I need is nestled up under my comforter every morning. And that is enough for me.

Ask yourself only this:

Who is telling you that your body isn’t the ideal?
Only people who don’t really matter. Only people you don’t know. Only that same voice in your ear that is telling you you ‘re not a good enough mom or worthy of a raise or shouldn’t go back to school or wear that dress.  Are they invested in you? Are they worth believing?

Who is telling me, telling you that your body is exactly right?

Only the man who lays down to sleep with you every night.  Only the one person who sees you naked every day and would throw down whatever he is doing to meet you ANYWHERE, ANYTIME for a quickie.

Only that voice, in the morning telling me that I am built just right.

That voice that whispers in my ear,

You are the prettiest wife in the world

while I close my eyes tight and let him try to help me believe.

No makeup, no filter.  Just me in the morning.
Am I the prettiest girl in the world?  My husband thinks so.

737 Comments

    • absolutely amazing expression of how we as women see ourselves and how our loving husbands see us differently. I loved how you pointed out that they are invested in us and out happiness. Every woman should read this. It made my day and reminded me that I have a keeper who after 14 years together he still chases this chubby 51 year old woman around the house for a kiss. Thanks for taking the time to write this.

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    • I can relate. I had that kind of husband. He passed away 6 years ago. He always thought I was beautiful, when I found it difficult to see myself in the mirror. Aren’t we the lucky ones.

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    • Listen to him. Believe him. Don’t forget to tell him that you do believe! See you thru his eyes! You will find true beauty there. He’s not biased! I would tell my wife how beautiful she is, and all I got in return was, “you’re biased, you feel you have to say it to have sex.” She never knew how bad that hurt me. So I stopped. Your husband thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the world! Thats why he chose to spend the rest of his life with YOU! I know all these things to be true, I was a husband. Believe yours! Marty

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    • I am a man that tells the woman I love every day she’s beautiful…. even when she’s walking out the door to go to work, last thing I say to her ” hey did I tell you your beautiful today?” Men are attracted to a woman on so may diffrent levels…. looks are just one of them. But I can say with the utmost honest truth, when a man find his queen, he tells her every chance he can. Not becuase he thinks he has to… but cause he wants too! Cause with out that woman you are just a man… with this woman you are a king! Ladies try and see what we see in you.. cause your our world… and yes we look at you all the time!!!!!

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    • First let me say I enjoyed the blog. I am a 50 year old man with a 47 year old wife who has raised one daughter and a step daughter since she was 15 years old. My hair or lack there of is very noticeable and I’m starting to get a gut. Call it the middle age spread or what ever. I call it getting older. Changes in our bodies is going to happen. That’s just the way it is. If you seen my wife and I in public you would not think we are the best looking couple, however she is absolutely beautiful, stunning and any guy in his right mind would be after her. At least that’s how I view her. She has the prettiest smile that just lights up my world. When she looks at me I feel funny inside, lol. My late grand mother had a saying that always made sense to my brain. “Pretty is as pretty does”. She was so right. Younger people (male and female) are always looking for the most socially acceptable mate. They believe the scale of 0-10 is based on looks and body arrangement. It’s not to the smart ones. My wrinkles, scars, bald head, and pouching stomach drives my wife crazy with ideas of romantic notions and I love it. Our girls are out on their own now so we have the house to ourselves. Our secret code for whoopee when the girls were here was she needed a back rub. She gets plenty of back rubs now. Stop worrying about your body shape, stretch marks and sagging boobs. Guy’s have things that sag also, there just not as noticeable when we have clothes on. Be content with who you are. Most guy’s don’t even consider their looks until their wife tells them he needs a hair cut or his shirt is dirty. Smart men know what desirable is all about. My wife is not only beautiful, but she is the most precious women in the world to me and very, very HOT. And yes if she wanted to throw down at any given moment be it hair in curlers or just finishing yard work I’m her man.

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    • I’ve tried telling my wife exactly the same for years – a pity her English isn’t good enough to read and understand and it’s just not the same if I translate.
      Terrific reading. That’s what many husbands think of their wives – a pity so few believe them. 🙂

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    • But what do you do when your husband of 17 years (i’m 57 btw) tells you that you are fat. (I weigh 172 and am 5.7″), Yes, I’m heavy, but I don’t consider myself obese. I had shoulder surgery in January so haven’t been able to work out. I don’t consider myself fat, but I’m not a Barbie doll either. I wish my husband woke me up every day and told me that I was beautiful.

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    • You clearly have a very nice husband . unfortunately I am being told other things about me ……ugly is one word I’m bedded in my head only cause he makes me feel this way u r indeed lucky

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    • Wow. Very well– spoken my dear. If EVERY woman could just quell those annoying body image voices in their heads the relationship world would be a much happier place. Darn those voices. Great writing and encouragement. Thank you.

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    • I’ve been made fun of my entire life for being skinny. Why don’t you blog about accepting skinny as beautiful too? I’m sick of all the shaming happening just because some women work really hard to stay healthy and fit. Stop blaming the media and the gym-goers and start taking responsibility for your own actions such as not eating right and exercising daily.

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    • I enjoyed your post very much and am grateful that you wrote it! I wish the word “partner” had been used when referring to “husband/husbands” (not yours, but husbands in general) since it would’ve been more inclusive for me and my wife. She tells me all the time that I’m beautiful and sometimes it’s hard to accept the compliment, but I know I am and I know I’ve been brainwashed to not think so. Anyway, just wanted to share that I enjoyed it even though it was written with heterosexuality in mind.

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  1. I agree with Chrystal i was almost in tears. My fiance sees all that to everyday and tells me the same thing but yet because of society i choose not to believe him. Because i dont feel like that person. Thankyou for the pick me up.

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  2. I saw your blog because Chrystal shared it on facebook and I did cry because I feel and say some of these same negative thoughts all the time but yet my husband is always telling me that I look hot and sexy…why is it I can’t believe him? How do I get to where I can believe him? I have no idea I qish I cou ld answer this but as I’m still seing myswlf as looking like hell all the time and I am fat and I know I need to stop…I am going to share your blog if I can so I can try to come back and rwad this and remember that noone else but my husband and I matter in how I look…becuse to him and my kids I am beautiful!

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    • Isn’t it funny how sometimes we are willing to listen to everyone else’s interpretation of beautiful except our husbands—the one person who really sees us all the time? So glad you have a great guy that reminds you how amazing you are—because you are! 🙂

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    • Well, the loving husband is so clouded by emotion and memories his view isn´t objective. That´s the simple reason we don´t believe them. Of course the husband´s view can lift one´s spirits wonderfully, but it can´t really be taken into account when trying to estimate what the reality is. H.L. Mencken mentioned the same thing when talking about religion: “We should respect a man´s religious beliefs, but only as much and to the same extent as we respect his belief that his wife is beautiful and his kids are smart”

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  3. I can not even tell you all how much I appreciate your kind words about this blog. It means so much to me, especially about this topic. I am so glad reading it made you feel better. Writing it made me feel exactly the same way.

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  4. This was a beautiful tell I am 50 5’3″ weigh about 162 lbs my husband says iam sexy and beautiful but I don’t see that but in your tell it is true the only one that matters is our hubby. Thanks for sharing your story I am a better person to myself.

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  5. That was amazing! You are so right about how negative we can be toward ourselves based on what society says we should look like. Thank you for posting this as a reminder that we earned our tiger stripes and we are all beautiful. GOOD JOB Nicole’s hubby!!! Keep up the singing!!!

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  6. My husband tells this 37 year old, nine times pregnant, six times c-section, hair going white, 35 pounds overweight woman that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and that he hopes someday I’ll believe him. It’s hard to do that. I’ve gotten so I can believe that he thinks so.

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  7. I know that his entry is of some age, but I just read this entry today from a link that was posted on Facebook. I feel that society is way to hard on everyone. There is an ugly disillusion that I find sickening that has defiled what true beauty is. They used to say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” – and this is only half-true [if that] anymore. True beauty comes from within – it’s a magnification of your soul, your heart and your attitude. I wish I had the power to change how society portrays things – but with the arrogant self-absorbed persona that exist today – it will never happen. So this is coming from one man’s opinion … keep being your beautiful self. You’re husband is right — and so are you.

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    • Thomas, the words you wrote here are like poetry. They re so beautiful, as a writer, I wish I had written them. Your wife must be so lucky to have you tell her such wonderful things in such a wonderful way. Thank you for reading and for commenting and for making my day!

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  8. Thank you for giving me a new perspective. My husband loves to watch me get dressed and I’m always so disgusted and sometimes will go into the next room or cover myself up. It’s all in my head. Thank you!

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    • Kelly, I do the same thing half the time without thinking. I didn’t really believe that my husband was looking at what he saw that was beautiful instead of noticing the things I was self-concious about. But the more I read other people’s responses to this piece (including yours!) the more certain I am that most of us have that one person that really truly feels like we are The Prettiest. I’m so glad that you do, too.

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    • Yes that’s so true! I do the same thing, I’m so embarrassed changing in front of my husband, but he always says to come to him so he can kiss and hug me:) your words are amazing thanks for sharing!

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  9. ” While wives think they would be prettier/sexier/hotter if they just had a tummy tuck or lost ten pounds, husbands think they are pretty damn hot the way they are.
    I’ve asked around. It’s pretty unanimous.”

    “Who is telling me, telling you that your body is exactly right? Only the man who lays down to sleep with you every night.”

    The problem is that youre not going to get an honest answer from your husband wife… “Honey does this dress make me look fat?” Nobody says: Well honey, that dress really doesnt look good on you because… They say, “honey you look great”… They say that because they love you and because they probably want to have sex within the next 6 months and the wrong answer can/will jeopardize that… Plenty of wives and husbands remain silent about body types because they dont want to hurt their feelings. Not because they really like the weight gain and/or are indifferent about the weight gain..

    Its unfortunate that we live in a society where everyone wins a trophy, but the fact of the matter is that some husbands and some wives really should take better care of themselves. Yes, we realize stretch marks wont go away and loose skin is very hard to tighten back up, but its not the baby beauty marks that are the cause for loss of attraction.. It’s the beer belly that the husband acquired from too many trips out on the expense account.. Its the man-boobs grown from poor lunch choices… Its the love handles she picked up from pints of ice-cream and netflix while the kids are at school.. etc.

    In the end, your spouse isnt an unbiased source… They’ll lie to us out of love..
    But society is brutally honest.

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    • These are all completely valid and true points, I won’t try to argue them with you. I will say only these two things: There will be no way, ever, to please everyone in society. They all have a different interpretation of beauty and most of us will never (no matter what size we are) be able to ascribe to an unanimous ideal of “perfection. And finally, I don’t think brutally honest helps very much. No one loses weight healthfully because society shamed them into it. No one. When we see that our spouse loves us and finds us beautiful, we see that they are invested in us. And this reinforces our OWN investment in us. We know we are not perfect. But it helps to believe that someone else thinks we are. And their good opinion, even if it is biased by love, is the only one that we should work to keep.
      That’s my take on it. I really am grateful for your comment and for your understanding of the piece and for the time you took to voice your thoughts. Thank you so much—hoping you keep reading and am always open form ore discussion on the topic. <3

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    • I call BS my wife is a little heavy had 2 chidren over 10 lbs and she is only 5’3′. both of my children have stretched her stomach beyond repair. my wife asked me how she looks in her outfits I tell her I don’t worry she doesn’t think I’m hurting her feelings she wants me to be honest those of you can’t be honest with your spouses means that you don’t have the right relationship with your spouse. Nicole I will tell you like your husband I believe my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world getting older not getting any thinner but still to me the most beautiful woman in the world. Whoever you are anonymous if the two of you can’t be honest with each otheer or one hold a grudge against the other for being honest like holding back sex that means you are in a relationship with the wrong person you need to find someone else. Sad for you and sad for your husband or wife if they feel they can’t be honest with you this is why there so many divorces. Married 23 years which I believe makes me an expert on relationships

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    • I would definitely want Michael to tell me if I needed to change an outfit for something that looked better—I appreciate that you do that for your wife too. 🙂 I think honesty is super important too. I love what you said about your wife, thank you for sharing and for responding to the post above.

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    • I could not disagree more. When I met my wife, she already had 3 kids. We got married and now we 5 of our own. I don’t have to lie when I say she is the most beautiful wife in the world because she IS the most beautiful wife in the world. She knows this is true because she sees the look of desperation in my eyes in the middle of the day when the kids are acting crazy and “it” will have to wait until later. She sees the passion in my eyes when she steps naked and wet out of the shower. There is no denying how I FEEL when we can finally be alone together and her skin is against mine and we are so close that it seems impossible. Any “man” who witnesses firsthand what his wife endured, from morning sickness to labor to that glorious moment when that beautiful baby reveals himself or herself to the world for the first time, who doesn’t think that she is the most beautiful wife in the world is missing out. He doesn’t get it, and probably never will. Society’s idea of beauty is misguided and shallow. Beauty is the whole person, physically and otherwise. Beauty is the wife that gave you 5 beautiful children, who loves you in spite of your many imperfections, and who lays herself bare, in spite of her insecurities, so that you can show her how you really feel. I know how my wife feels when I show her how I feel. I know this because it is real. Not a minute of a day goes by that don’t think about being with my wife, seeing and feeling her body against mine. When I look at my wife, I see perfection. I see the woman that God created for me and for me only. The woman that He gave to me to love and to protect, and to appreciate. My wife is a gift, a BEAUTIFUL gift, from God. I would not change a thing about her. After 17 1/2 years, I am as desperate, if not more desperate to be with her, as I was the moment that we met. THAT is what true BEAUTY, and, more importantly LOVE means to me. That is HONEST. My wife doesn’t need to ask me how she looks or how I feel about her. She KNOWS because it shows every day. That is real. That can’t be faked. I would never lie to her. Even better, I don’t have to. – Michelle G’s lucky husband Jim

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    • Honesty from my husband is something I could do without on occasions. He is far too quick to point out what he doesn’t like, and won’t go out with me if he really doesn’t like what I’m wearing. Yes – I should be told… but I’m only carrying about 8kgs more than I should! You guys are SO lucky to have men who see the real you.

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    • I read the blog this morning and was rather surprised at how much this all relates to my self and my amazing wife. I could rant and rave for hours about this blog but short sweet and to the point I would like to say that as a medically retired marine with dozens of battle scars that vary in size depth and location. I am constantly assured by my loving wife that I am just as attractive as ever. With my physical appearance being a map of scars over a constant change in weight my wife is my only strength and protection from me feeling like a freak. In the same regard to wife and all mothers. When I met my wife she was this short blonde tan in shape and full of life. Today my wife is exhuasted not so thin or tan, and plenty of stretch marks from two births and several miscarriages. My wife believes that she is now where close to the amazing girl she used to be. She is right. My wife has gone threw some amazingly rough times and many sleepless nights in hospital beds and at hone. Just as my scars I see the wear on tear of woman hood on my wife as a constant reminder of her strength, persistance, and courage. My wife no longer fits societies definition of smoking hot model, but in my eyes she is just sexy and exotic as the day I meet her. With every scar has a story of strength behind it and I couldn’t be happier or more turned on not to be married to that small thin tan blonde girl but more so to the curvy sexy strong woman I’m with today

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    • This is excellent. What she says is excellent. The surgically and chemically altered Victoria’s Secret Models are no longer true women. Most of the models and celebrities have altered themselves until they look alike. They should not be used as models of female beauty. It makes our girls feel insecure and inadequate. True beauty is appreciated by good, intelligent men. We need to teach our daughters to love themselves.

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    • I have to disagree with you about that weight loss thing. You claim that nobody can lose weight in a healthy way when being shamed into it by society, but in the real world it actually is at the root of most weight loss successes. No one has a single reason to lose weight, but when you look at the people on weightwatching programs, they mention their health and always the society´s pressure too, but telling how they´ve been teased or mistreated.

      I think you´re in some positivity blindness mode, in which you think positive things can only come from positive sources. In fact, the negatives are the ones that create personal growth. I know a lot of people who have made spectacular rises for very painful reasons. The negative things, like shame of looking bad, tend to motivate people more than positive ones, like gaining health benefit, because the negative situation makes people truly hope for a change and work for it.

      Why is the blogpost even about looks, and not love? If you look bad in the morning, and loving husband tells you you look pretty, it´s love, not your looks that´s the case. The compliment isn´t about anyone being beautiful, it´s just what loving people say to encourage each other. Wouldn´t you be prouder too, if your husband could call you pretty so that you´d know he´s not just saying it out of commitment to you, but that actually is the case?

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    • My wife is overweight too. I do tell her from time to time that she’s beautiful. Since I had beautiful women and sexier girlfriend before, it does affect the sex part. I believe that both husband and wife should diet and find time to exercise. I’ve been married for 26 years. But given a choice, I would rather a sweet wife, talks softly, don’t nag than a sexy wife.

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    • Oh, the body issues I have. The shame, the guilt, the embarrassment. At 43 I am finally, after years in therapy, trying to tease out some childhood abuse by a family member and how it still has a hold on me and my self-esteem and sense of worth. I am trying to get myself help after years of binge eating for comfort when I am in despair and my clinical anxiety is through the roof. I worry about my four children — all at appropriate weights — and try to make sure they balance good healthy food with the pleasure of having treats in their diets. I believe this will help them have a normal relationship with food, a relationship I have not had since age 8. And I NEVER, EVER talk about my body and how much I hate it.

      I have been with the same man for almost 23 years, married for 15 of those. Once, long ago, when I weighed a lot less than I do now, I asked him if my weight bothered him. At the time, I weighed about 50 pounds more than I did when we met — and when we met I was at the lowest weight I had ever been in my adult life, the result of diligence after surgery to remove my severely diseased gallbladder damaged by constant crash dieting and binge/purge (not vomiting, binge/starve) eating throughout my teens and 20s. So, on a day when I was feeling really bad about myself, I tried to confront my biggest fear – that secretly my husband was disgusting by my body. So I went for broke. I went looking for more reasons to hate myself. I asked. And he said, “I only think about your weight in terms of how unhappy it makes you. I think that it would be great if you lost weight because I think YOU would feel better and you would feel happier and I would like you to be happier. And if you want to try, then I will help you in any way that I can.” That, of course, made me cry.

      I now weight even more. And I am not happy. My body aches all the time and I want to cry every time I look in a mirror. And life is busy. I continue to lose and regain what I’ve lost + on a pretty regular cycle. I can’t keep up the diligence. I want so desperately to change but I fear changing, too. But, whenever I try to improve something for myself, I know I can count on my husband. He takes his lead from me. If he notices that I have started measuring my food portions, he doesn’t comment or ask questions. He waits until I am ready to talk to him. He does not “help” me by reminding me that I am trying to be more mindful about my eating — none of the “OH! You don’t want to eat that!” or “Remember your diet” crap. He will say things like, “What will work for you?” when we’re talking about dinner.

      And if I go and buy clothes and bring them home to try on — which is what I usually do — he will ask if I like something, how it feels, is it what I was looking for? If he thinks something isn’t flattering, he says things like “I think I like the other black skirt you have better” or “The fabric doesn’t seem to be hanging right for some reason.” And sure, I know this is because he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, but isn’t that the point? If He loves all the things inside of me and all of that counts in the ways we are intimate. Isn’t this what we teach our children? Looks may be appealing, but it’s what’s inside a person that makes the difference. Sharing your body is about trust and love, not just the physical.

      I think love is a lot like “beer goggles” — the further drunk on it you become, the more things look good to you. But with love there usually isn’t a horrific hangover and you don’t have to worry about waking up and discovering a stranger beside you who really was just about an urge and your availability. Clearly, you know just what I mean.

      Thank you for this beautiful post and for reading my long-winded thoughts.

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  10. Just read this…..PLEASE talk to my wife… she thinks she’s ugly and I tell her she’s beautiful and she just don’t believe me… she thinks I just say it to make her feel good but to me she’s beautiful inside and out…I always have thought that what’s in a person makes a person attractive on the inside and out….I know people that are “hot” until you strike a conversation or get to know them and there appearance changes to “yuck”….I’m gonna let my baby read this I think it will help her understand..
    .THANK YOU!!!!!!!

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    • Your comment gave me goosebumps. What a lucky wife you have that you feel this way and wrote this so perfectly. It’s taken me a REALLY long time to get to the place where I can see me the way my husband sees me—it’s awfully hard. Even now I struggle sometimes too!
      I hope she gets to that place too, with your help and support. <3

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  11. Beautifully written and true! It made me cry. I don’t have a husband like that…. after our second child, I was feeling good about getting back to my previous baby weight and made the mistake of telling him that. Only to hear good, “keep going until I can not see that frickle on you chin anymore.”. After given him four beautiful babies he grab ahold of my baby flap tummy and say “pinch it, pinch it”. So you lucky women out there that have husbands that adore you, please see the blessing in it.

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    • I am so sorry to hear that—I think EVERYONE deserves to feel like the person that shares their life is in support of them—the way they look, the way they feel, the things they love. I know it’s not always that way, though and it’s difficult to know how to make it better. I hope it gets better for you, too.

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    • This post made me cry too, not because I see myself in it, but because I long for it. I have joked, cajoled, asked, and even begged for my husband to tell me that I am beautiful, but he just cannot do it. After 3 sons, I guess I just don’t compare to the woman I used to be (or the one he wishes I still was).

      You are one lucky woman! And I am jealous…

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    • THANK God you still have your wife. What I wouldn’t give to have ONE more night with my wife but when they are gone YOU will surely MISS them.

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    • Greetings from Finland, Europe.
      As you mentioned, not everyone has a husband telling them supportive things.
      I want to support all us women to think more positive of ourselves. It is sweet when someone else also thinks that way, but it shouldn’t be the only source of the inner power.

      I am not a beautiful woman in standard way, I look quite usual. But I am unique, I have my own personal looks and personality. Humanity is important value for me.
      You there behind the screen, nobody else lives your life, nobody else has your looks, your personality, your life. You are beautiful and unique.

      I used to idolize models and good looking, successful individuals as teenager. But life got me back on track. Life molds our body and mind. I started to see other, normal people as important, that they have story to be told. I really got to humble and see the beauty of children, older people, sick people, homeless people etc. Even though nobody wants to be looking older or sick or to be homeless.

      But everyone of us has the value of a human being
      (Ok, very very hard to see any value for serial killers, pedophiles etc., but then we are starting to talk about society, justice, more humanity and that is a different topic).

      Summa summarum: Dear Ladies, it is nice feeling to dress up and look good, but as the husband on the original blog post, value the naturality on yourself. Genes are what they are, giving birth to children leaves marks, but you are the story tellers of your life. Wear your life experience with smile. Love yourself and your family, friends, even enemies sometimes. That is beautiful.

      Maybe this reply was unclear or funny or whatever, but hope you got my point 😀

      Reply
    • Honestly, I think it’s truly amazing and wonderful that you took the time to read this and to comment. I am so blessed. I feel so blessed for the support–and so lucky that I get to share a body positive message to so many people. Thank you so so so much.

      Reply
    • I read this comment to my husband and he nodded his head. I think you are right. Another comment above said exactly this in defending why a spouse should not listen when their husband/wife compliments their beauty, saying that it’s the love or the feelings that reframes the external beauty. And I agreed with him. After reading this I realize it’s exactly what you said—we see the beauty in the person we love as the whole of who they are—everything that lies beneath too. Perfectly said.

      Reply
  12. I wish my wife would read this. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her she’s beautiful either. I don’t find her beautiful just because of the way she looks. Yes she use to be a size 0 That was before she gave me my son. She’s even more beautiful now because I’ve seen what that beautiful body of hers can do. She has stretch marks, a little flab on her stomach, and love handles that she cries about constantly. No she may not meet societies standards on what beautiful should be, but to me she is the most beautiful person inside and out in the world. She’s now pregnant with our second child and I know she will feel worse about herself after this pregnancy. How can a woman not love herself when they can do such amazing things with their body like bring our precious children into this world. Mother’s are the most amazing creatures on this earth and should be praised by not only their husbands but everyone. Society itself has the wrong outlook on what beauty is. My wife is beautiful and I will stand toe to toe with anyone who says otherwise.

    Reply
    • You made me cry. Your devotion, your ferocity, your love just shines through these words. You are right. Mother’s ARE awesomely amazing creatures. I simply feel blessed to be one and the older I get, the more I recognize the “imperfections” I have as battle scars of what amazing things my body has done. I feel blessed to read your comment and to know that you feel this way about your wife. She is lucky and she will hear you.

      Reply
    • Anonymous….your comment is full of love and devotion to you wife…I can just read it. Print the article and add your comments to it and then give it to her. Your post made me tear up..it’s beautiful.

      The whole article is fantastic.

      Reply
  13. My wife needs to read this. We’ve only been married 4 years but I’ve told her every day of those 4 years she is perfect and the most beautiful woman in the world. You are for sure right about the trying to get a look while she is getting in the shower and ready for a quickie anytime anywhere. My wife is HOT. Just wish she would believe it herself.

    Reply
  14. Hun, you are beautiful and your husband has it right. Women of all types are beautiful it is when we stop believing that we are is when we turn ugly in our minds. Stores want us to feel ugly so we buy from them. while messing with sizes to make us question our bodies and try to change to get that perfect fit so we spend more and more while hurting ourselves to win a race that was made so we could never win. so when we stop and say enough that is when we truly win no one is the same. curvy, skinny and everyone else feels there is something wrong with themselves i see so many beautiful women feeling ugly and when i tell them that they are beautiful they are shocked so dont worry your husband is right and he is trying to get you to see it too. Stay beautiful dear.

    Reply
    • Thank you so much for this You are right—it IS about accepting that there are certain things about our bodies that can’t be changed—no matter how much we want them to change. It’s about the continuum of it all—heading to where we want to be and accepting who we are right now. You stay beautiful too, my friend. <3

      Reply
  15. I LOVE this blog! My husband tells me this. I catch the glances while I am dressing, the smirk at the thought of a “nooner” I used to be 130 pounds heavier, with large full breasts, stretch marks that resembled a road map and a classic C-section scar from belly button down. We both knew I was overweight and every time I commented on it, he would say “then do something about it. I did. The stretch marks are still there, the scar is still there. My breasts that were a 44D are now a 36 long. I no longer feel sexy, soft or curvy. I have layers of wrinkles, a flap where my double chin was, and a butt that rests on the back of my thighs. BUT I am healthier, I can go for walks with him, and my kids and my grandkids. I am no longer short of breath and no longer concerned with, when will we next eat. He tells me I am perfect. To him I am perfect, because I made the change that will allow me to spend another 36 years with him. Talking, walking, being spontaneous, willing to get up and go whenever or wherever. He still has his partner but has added a playmate. Thanks for sharing. My next glance in the mirror I may see someone totally different.

    Reply
    • A million congrats to you—130 pounds lost! As someone who has stuggled losing just 10 or 20, I want to let you know that I appreciate how HARD that is and the effort it must have taken to make such a strong and difficult change for yourself. And you are right! It IS about the longevity we can give each other, finding that delicate blend of healthfulness and happiness and figuring out how to stay there too. Thank you so much for reading—I am in awe of and honoring you. <3

      Reply
  16. I’ve lost 40 pounds in the last year. My husband doesn’t say a word about it. He does not tell me I’m beautiful and never told me I was beautiful the way I was either. I don’t think he even told me I was beautiful on our wedding day. 🙁 I honestly had to tell him I had lost weight (it is very obvious) but he didn’t compliment me at all. You all should be very thankful to have husbands who think you’re beautiful!

    Reply
  17. I appreciate where you’re going w/this piece. And – and — there is NO excuse (outside of extreme illness, debilitating poverty or war) for not showering for 2 days in a row! Nor is there any excuse for wearing such unattractive rags to bed. How dare you inflict this on another human sharing your bed?!! Your husband is a saint.

    Reply
    • I read your comment to him because for a moment you had me worried about what I was really “inflicting” upon him! He assured me he felt no worse for the wear about my erratic showering–phew! 😉 I do know what you mean, though. I really do. But I have 4 kids, 2 step kids and I go to school full time too—there aren’t always enough hours to fit in a shower and blow dry. It’s not an excuse, just an explanation. My goal with the piece was to be body positive and affirming, hopefully that is the message that shone through. Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment. <3

      Reply
    • You are a rude, insensitive, douche bag! Really?!? You are missing the whole point of the article. It is about looking past the shallow outward things and seeing someone’s inner beauty. It is about seeing someone as beautiful because you love them.

      Reply
    • What the actual f@ck. My apologies for my un-lady like language.
      Let me guess, you look at your wife like your property, like she was put in front of your to serve you. Am I close?…..I thought so.
      I would love to see you struggle through a day in the life of a mom. Actually no, let me retract that. I would never wish that kind of role model (and I use that term loosely) on anyone. It takes a real man to raise a happy, thriving family. Clearly you are not cut out for such a title. Please excuse yourself while adults are talking.

      Reply
    • The person who made this comment must not be a parent, I only have two kids and sometimes don’t have enough time in the day to fit in a shower. So I could only imagine how hard it is to fit a shower in sometimes with 6 kids! But at least you took this “criticism” with grace. 😉

      Reply
    • Why do you feel the need to be so nasty and judgmental.
      You don’t need to worry about anyone seeing YOUR inner beauty because you are evidently devoid of that quality.

      Reply
    • Um, y’all, I’m pretty sure that comment was meant to be sarcastic. I mean, one of the sentences was started with a “How dare you”. Let’s all relax and laugh. Well, I HOPE it was sarcastic, other-wise that makes him/her and asshat. ANYWAY. LOVE this piece, and your description of yourself is SO different from your actual I laughed out loud at your beautiful picture, because you make yourself sound like a troll under a bridge, girl. STOP that!

      Reply
    • I’m pretty sure this person was being sarcastic, starting a sentence with “How dare you…” and the like. If sarcasm isn’t the case, then he/she is simply an asshat. On a different note, I literally laughed out loud after seeing your picture, because you’re gorgeous, but your own description of yourself was so out into left field I was expecting a troll under a bridge. Girl, I am so glad you have the husband you do!! I hope he can help you see yourself the way he does.

      Reply
    • Okay shower police.. since when was it up you how often people shower? Busy mum or not. The whole point is about being loved and found beautiful still when we’re not at “our best” – but I’m sure you always are of course

      You should see some of the things I wear to bed 😀 doesn’t matter. They all come off in the end!

      Reply
  18. So beautifully written and what a blessing your husband is to you. However, not all relationships are like that. I, for one, have a husband who “encourages” me to lose weight. Who has a fund set up for my tummy tuck once I do lose the weight. Who has gently encouraged to me get a boob job “while I’m at it”. Who does NOT sneak a peek at me while I dress, who has told me (at my persistent questioning) that he does desire a trophy wife, but wouldn’t trade me for one….

    6 pregnancies, one involved multiples, miscarriages, a c-section and 60 lbs has completely transformed they way he sees me. Oh to go back to the day he would actually want a quickie…

    The point I want to make is that 1) you are truly blessed to have a husband as you do, but 2) even with my husbands faults, he’s still a great person and we still have a very viable marriage.

    In a world that puts so much emphasis on looks, you are truly blessed to have a husband tell you, that you are perfect for him. But, in my world, I have to remember that my looks, the way others see me, the way my husband sees me, can’t define me. I’m more than just what my skin shows…

    Reply
  19. You are a blessed woman. Some of us wake up to their spouse telling them maybe you should try yoga, or I had four kids to and haven’t changed sizes.

    Reply
    • Having four kids has changed my body in ways I can’t even describe. Your husband has no idea—but I do. So I will tell you this, you have done amazing, wonderful and brave things with your body and for this, you have my respect and admiration.

      Reply
  20. My husband does not watch me dress, does not call me beautiful, turned down the offer of sex on his birthday yesterday and never, ever sings to me. It is far from unanimous that husbands tell their wives they’re pretty and wives disbelieve them. Some of us have to look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we are wonderful and beautiful. Alas.

    Reply
    • Some of us do. And I think you stated that perfectly. Not everyone has that person in their corner, reminding them that someone thinks they are beautiful. I was married 13 years to someone who didn’t say it—and I suppose that is why I feel so exponentially grateful that I am married now to someone who does. I understand how it feels to be on both sides of it. But more than all of this, I am glad for you that YOU can be that person in your own life, reminding yourself that the beauty is there. Because it is.

      Reply
    • Yes, thank you, i was going to comment, what about when your husband doesn’t tell you that you’re beautiful or sexy, doesn’t peek even when i parade around topless in front of him, and turns down sex almost every time i try. If he sang that to me, or ever said i even looked cute let alone beautiful or sexy i would probably piss myself or cry. This article made me cry, just like all the rest, but for a different reason, because i don’t have that. Every one of our friends and my family tell me all the time, wow he loves you so much, but evidently there is something he is saying to them that he is not saying to me. sigh.

      Reply
  21. Mrs. Jankowski, a beautifully written and totally accurate essay. My only disagreement is that i think my wife is the most beautiful lady in the world, but i certainly respect your husband’s opinion.

    Again, a beautiful essay

    Reply
  22. Women are attractive to their husband’s in all shapes and sizes, but there’s nothing wrong with a woman staying in great shape and looking nice for her husband either. If a woman is morbidly obese, it’s detrimental to her health no matter how she looks.

    Reply
    • This is true. I have struggled with this response because it is a valid one—health matters more than exterior beauty, there’s no way I would disagree with that. I would want anyone to live a long, healthy life. But I think it’s much more complicated than this…we motivate the people we love to make healthy changes in their lives by investing in them and encouraging them, I don’t think telling someone they are beautiful (when you see them as beautiful) undermines a wish for them to live a healthy lifestyle. I am not sure they are even related, if I think about. If I think someone is beautiful, I tell them they are beautiful. It is not saying, I do not think you should quit smoking or not wear your seatbelt or take your blood pressure medication, it is more of just an organic feeling and response to the person I love or admire. I think health and beauty can be related, and for so many of us they are. But I also think that sometimes, many times, they sit independently. They are different parts of the whole of who we are. I hope that makes sense. Thanks for reading and for the comment. <3

      Reply
    • This response brought me to tears. I AM morbidly obese and struggle greatly with weight loss. I struggle with this just in relation to myself. Somehow, believing that I am beautiful and “worthy” as I am somehow feels like I’m ok with the health risks that go along with being overweight. But the two really are separate issues. My weight is absolutely a health risk, and something I need to gain control over to increase both my quality and quantity of life – but it shouldn’t define who I am as a person or a woman.

      Reply
    • I think the point is that society often holds us to a standard that is flatly unattainable. I’m 5’2″ and around 135 lbs and a size 8/10 in clothes. I will never be the nearly 6′ tall size 0 Victoria’s Secret model. I love to dress in cute clothes and look nice for my husband. I love for him to go clothes shopping with me because he has a better idea of what looks good on my body than I do. I stay active chasing around my five year old who has Autism. I try to make healthy meals. I also understand going a few days between showers and sometimes just throwing something on in a hurry and my bed clothes are often hardly alluring, but even at those times, my husband still finds me beautiful. I think the point is to strive for a healthy lifestyle but not beat ourselves up for not meeting an unattainable standard.

      Reply
    • Aye, calling someone beautiful on the inside has nothing to do with their looks. Sometimes when you feel a person loves you it fills the void that used to get fulfilled by eating. Allowing that person to lose weight. But sometimes it doesn’t. There are different people with different problems.

      Reply
  23. I can relate to almost every comment . I have been through hell and back. I am 42 yrs old ,having two kids with stretch marks the size of the grand canyon, I do not feel sexy in the least. having been cheated on numerous times, and been physical and mentally abused for years ,I believed I was unattractive, it wasn’t until I left that part of my life behind, that I realized it was him that was unattractive, not me. I then met someone who completely changed my whole world, not only did he accept my children and I as a package deal. he not only tells me im beautiful , he makes me feel it too!!! thanks for all the inspirations.

    Reply
    • I understand all of this so well—it brings me great joy to know that your story has a happy ending. I love this part: “it was him that was unattractive, not me”. These are beautiful words. Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment. Wishing you wonderful times ahead.

      Reply
  24. THANK YOU for a balanced viewpoint! No body shaming here! If she wants to get healthier or fitter or reach some health goals, GREAT! And if she’s at a happy point of average health, that’s fine! And if she’s learning to love herself on the journey, EVEN BETTER!

    Reply
    • Hugs and thanks to you, Nickie, you said it exactly how I wanted it to come across. It’s hard to maintain that balance—but I wanted to convey what you said above. Wherever we are on the journey of living, you have to find a way to like the skin you’re in right now. Your comment made me feel so exuberant—I was doing a fist pump in my chair. I bet youre a wonderful friend, you seem so positive and encouraging. Thank you so much!

      Reply
  25. I seriously hope you don’t think you are ugly, or rather, a “destruction”, as you put it, because you are far from it. As a 36 year old male without a girlfriend because I’m so picky (and yes, shallow at times), I would just like to let you know how attractive you actually are.

    Reply
  26. What a beautiful post and I wholeheartedly agree. We’ve been married 31 years and my hubby still tells me I’m beautiful! And you know what? I’m starting to believe him. 😉 And for the record, I’ll match my leg hair against YOUR leg hair any day. It’s wintertime and well……I’m just trying to stay warm. That’s the thing about leg hair, you either have to grow it or mow it, shave it or braid it.

    Reply
  27. Someone shared this post on the DownWithDani facebook page last night, so I gratefully find myself here reading your beautiful piece in lieu of cnn this early morning. Thank you for having the courage to share with such honesty. Does your husband perhaps have a single brother? 😉

    Reply
    • Carolyn—you made me laugh. Thank you for reading it—hopefully it made for a good start to your day. No single brother, alas. But perhaps I could have him start a “husband training program”—he can teach others his song but I will make sure he doesn’t teach them to leave their dirty clothes on the floor (which, alas, he also does…;). Wish you a wonderful holiday. <3

      Reply
  28. My husband passed away last Thanksgiving. I never believed him when he said I was beautiful nor did I ever understand why he picked me. Thank you for your blog.

    Reply
    • I needed to write it—it is my reminder to listen to his voice over all the other ones that seem so much louder to all of us (me) these days. I love when you say “accepting the love”—that’s such a beautiful and poignant phrase. It IS about accepting it, becuase it is a gift, I think it’s wonderful to think of it like that. Thank you so much Shelly.

      Reply
  29. I so enjoyed reading your blog. I to struggle everyday to understand what it is that my husband sees for I am only 5’3″ and wear a size 12-14 I will be keeping this blog in hand to rea everytime I am feeling down Thank You

    Reply
    • Thank YOU! And shhhh…I am a size 12 now too—I wrote this late last year and a comfortable peace in my life has contributed to a little bit of weight gain. For my husband and I both. 🙂 And YET he still thinks I am perfect (as I do him). I’m so glad you have someone in your life that feels that way about you, too. <3

      Reply
    • Size is a construct created by the fashion industry, if you go buy a sewing pattern you will find that you usually need a larger size than ready to wear because they go by measurements rather than an arbitrary number.In the 50’s there were no size 0’s or 2’s for instance, wonder where they went? They were 8’s and 10’s in those days. At first it was only the designer clothes that had the tiny size number but eventually the regular clothing manufacturers caught on, that we like to have our ego fed. Men’s clothing sizes are more practical-you can choose a shirt by neck size and sleeve length, pant’s by waist measurement and leg length. Can you imagine a man buying a size 0?

      Reply
  30. Im sorry if I end up double posting as I went to log in and I think it may have eaten my first post. I tell my wife she is the most beautiful woman in my world everyday. We have been together for 20 years but it feels like only yesterday we started going out. She is my sun, my moon, my world. She is the pebble to my pond stirring up emotion in my heart and mind like noone else in my life can or will. She is my wife my lover my friend my soulmate. I would rearrange my whole day to have five more minutes if that smile or laugh. I dream of being financial well off so we can spend our whole day in each others company. So when I say she’s beautiful I mean that she IS beauty and a lot more to me.

    Reply
    • Les, this is like a poem. Both the emotion you convey and the way you convey it through the beautiful words you use. What a lucky wife you have and what a special husband you must be to her. Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to share your story and your poetry with me!

      Reply
    • Would you believe I’m generally shy and a bit of a wall flower? My wife brings out the best in me. I hope you and your husband have as amazing as a relationship as we do. Life may be hard but at the end of the day you have this amazing other person in your life that makes it all seem worth while.

      Reply
  31. Thank you for this post! Perfect timing for reading this. You see I was previously married to a monster that taught my son when he was 3 to say mommy your fat. He said it everyday as well and that I wasn’t good enough. Needless to say I found a wonderful man and remarried. My 5yr old step-daughter told me I was fat lastnight. Brought back so many bad memories. Thing is your right! It only matters what the person thinks that lays next to you every night and sees you naked. He tells me I’m beautiful all the time and never once has said anything to make me think otherwise. Thank you so much for putting this into perspective for me as I was crying this morning. Now I have a smile. It only matters what my husband thinks.

    Reply
    • It really only does. I was there too—I know how it feels NOT to have a partner that says those wonderful things and makes you feel like The Prettiest Wife. Which makes it so much sweeter to have it now—I think you understand that in a special way. I’m glad we both have it now. <3

      Reply
    • He must have thought it was pretty darn funy to have a litte kid say that. Honesty is one thing but negativity in that amount and running over people’s emotions is sadistic. I’m glad you left him. Not all women are as smart, though. They stay with narcists expecting them to change…

      Reply
  32. I think we have the same husband! LOL Well I think we have the 2 best men in the world and just wish every woman could have one like them!

    Reply
  33. Well said, and bravo. It’s something I also feel I’m always having to prove to my wife. I will only add that although I have heartily believed and said these things a million times, it is when she actually believes me that she magically becomes her most gorgeous!

    Reply
  34. Thank you so very much for this story. I too am a size 10,on my good days.Lol .I have felt,feel like you. But my absolutely,wonderful hubby reminds me every day that I AM BEAUTIFUL. I will share this for other ladies to get the privilege of reading. Again,thank you. The tears were definitely worth it.

    Reply
    • Michele, thank YOU! It is such an amazing feeling to be able to listen to the voice of that person who matters most and let go of all those other voices. It changes everything. Hoping you have a blessed Thanksgiving!

      Reply
    • It’s true Sam, you said it just right. I was talking about this piece with my husband last night and I told him “I think when you love someone for a long time, you start to see them with your brain and your heart and less with your eyes”. He’s used to me saying these kind of weirdo things but this one, he seemed to understand. I agree with you so much.

      Reply
  35. It’s like reading my own story, except I’m a lot bigger than a size 10. But my husband feels the same way and I’m uncomfortable with it. Really makes me think about what a jerk I’ve been. Thank you. cg

    Reply
  36. Thanks for a wonderful article! As a guy preparing for marriage, it’s a breath of fresh air to see that some ladies can hear the quiet reassuring whisper (or song :P) of someone who cares deeply over the roar of a world trying to make a sale.

    The truth is, this is a difficult issue. It’s difficult because our world has adopted this idea that your self worth is tied directly into your outward beauty. And while I understand the intention of the term “inward beauty”, it often tends to fall flat against the understanding that that’s not what the word “beauty” is really means. There are people in the world that are less beautiful (in the strict sense of the word) than others. There are even people with horrible deformities – and to them, the concept of “inner beauty” can feel like a participation award: hollow.

    So if you’ll allow a sentimental fool his opportunity to help clear up some of the murkyness: regardless of your outer appearance, you are worth the world! You are worth loving, whether a pageant winner, mother of 5, or even deformed. You are worth as much as any pageant queen – and anyone who says differently is selling something.

    Beyond that, your sex appeal isn’t tied directly to your outward appearance either! There are gorgeous women who are ignored by their husbands, and there are a lot of very sexual marriages between people who would be laughed out of a pageant. Sexual attraction has more to do with love than outward appearances (as it seems to which many women in this comment thread can attest).

    Thanks again for a great article. It gives me hope that one day, my fiancee might come to believe the steady whispers of a fool head-over-heels in love with her.

    Reply
    • Ken, this is all true. So much of it so beautiful too. I think that’s the thing—it’s really about the love. When you love someone you see them through that lens. And that’s okay! Others have commented here, and I would not disagree, that when someone loves you they might not notice the imperfections, but society is brutally honest. I guess that’s the point I make (and you make). What good does it do us to hear anything brutal about something we can not change or might be in the process of changing? We can get brutal honesty anywhere, but the kindness, appreciation and love—if we have that with even one person, it can change your whole life.
      I love having the male perspective on this issue. Thank you for reading and for taking the time to write down your thoughts too. <3

      Reply
  37. I’m not married, I’m 19 years old, and I’ve never even had a boyfriend before. I would see myself in the mirror and think ” this is why I’m still single.” as I begrudgingly listed all the things wrong with my appearance, I wear a size 14 and for the life of me, no matter what I’ve tried or how hard I’ve worked I can’t shake the size because when it comes down to it I have big hips. As a kid I imagined myself being happily married by now and because of the propaganda the media puts out there of what beauty is and what society has accepted as the definition of beautiful I was in the process of accepting my doom of being a crazy old cat lady. I was losing the hope that anyone could ever deem me as anything worthy of resembling beauty. Reading your post renewed that hope for me, that one day someone will think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world and actually mean it. That maybe, just maybe I’m not a lost cause afterall. All the comments just reinforced that glimmer of hope as well, to think that it might just be possible for someone like me to be loved for who I am and not just for what I look like. Thank you for your honesty! And thank you writing something so inspiring!

    Reply
    • Becca, I used to feel the same way. So much so, that I welcomed the first thing that told me I was “cute”…

      Then the little digs started. The big bulldozer to my pride was ” You used to be this tiny thing…. what happened?” I dumped that pile of nothing and spent a LOTof time getting to know ME. Who I was, what I liked (or didn’t) and finding that this woman is quite a catch. Eleven years ago, my darling thought I was too.

      Spend time being 19. You will never be this age again. If you want to change your weight/dress size/haircolor or whatever, do it because it. makes YOU happy.

      A strong, self-confident woman is infinitely sexy.

      Reply
    • Becca, I’ve been there too. When I was 19, most of my close friends were getting married, and I felt so self-conscious of my weight and felt like I just wasn’t pretty enough. I struggled with eating disorders for many years, and it took the grace of God to free me both from that struggle and from the shame I felt over my appearance. I got married when I was almost 29, still overweight, but he thought I was beautiful, and I was able to believe him. Now after 4 babies (all c-sections), my body has definitely not gotten any better (I think I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, including during pregnancy), but everything Nicole wrote is still true. He finds me attractive, he tells me how much he loves my body, and we have a great sex life. Sometimes I’m amazed because I definitely don’t look like those models. Heck, I’d love to be a size 10 (or 12). But I have been blessed with an amazing man who sees so much more in me than just my size.

      You’re so young, and I hope you can spend the next few years learning to feel comfortable with yourself. I wouldn’t trade those 10 years of experience and personal growth for anything. (For one thing, my husband is 2 years younger than me, and that would have made a big difference at 19!) We both had growing up to do, and as hard as it was to wait during that time, I’m thankful for how it helped me become the confident woman he fell in love with.

      Reply
    • Even though it doesn’t seem this way, you can’t imagine how many of your peers around the world have also not had a boyfriend or girlfriend yet and all of them are different body types and personalities with different hobbies and interests. Some of them will think they have found someone yet because they are too tomboyish, or because they don’t have big boobs, or because they are interested in math and science. The reality for most of them is that they just haven’t met the right person who clicks with them on a level that transcends the obvious. And that will happen for many people when the time is right. In the meantime, hold your head up high and think of all the gifts you have. Wait for someone who loves you because of those gifts and don’t settle for someone who proclaims to love you in spite of your hips. Each of us is an individual who bring so much to the table. Make a list of the things that make you unique and great and celebrate those things until the right person comes along who appreciates that. Success and happiness in life comes in so many ways beyond the traditional married with children because it is found in yourself and it has nothing to do with size or what the world thinks is successful or beautiful. Be healthy and rejoice in your gifts, which I am sure are many!

      Reply
    • Lol – big hips is a result of diet and exercise (or lack thereof). Be what you are but don’t deny there is no chance of change. I am 20 – 30 lbs overweight because I choose to eat more than I should. I accept that and realize that is my choice. There is no such thing a big boned, etc – you won’t see a skeleton that is overweight 🙂

      Reply
    • Sure it’s possible. As long as you’re not so fat you have morbid blood pressure that you’ll DIE before you’ll find you man. A lot of guys like BBW or curvy women. But looks aside, marriage, friendship and love are more about bumping into people you can connect with. Sounds like you don’t get out much in your job or hobbies that you’d meet a lot of guys. If you did, you wouldn’t have this problem because guys would be swarming all over you. =)

      I used to have major issues talking to women, having spent most of my social life on the internet. Not having a father around I had to learn things from scratch from pick up artists, how to be “alpha”, eye contact, posture, how to have a busy life. Little by little it stuck on me and now I’m just learning to talk to strangers. I have 2 dance classes where I interact with about 20 women who give me feedback, plus another show-cosplay group with tons of HOT women and girls, although they don’t know it.

      I still suck. I’m 28 and I’ve never kissed a girl. Yet I feel good every time I get the chance to push the envelope with my new confidence.

      Reply
    • Thank you Peggy! I do feel like it’s something we all have experienced, no matter what our size or even how perfect others think we are—its hard! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment too. <3

      Reply
  38. I remember how my husband’s eyes, face and smile lit up when he first saw me enter a room.
    Your words helped me remember being so cherished, not really “getting it” at the time but loving other people’s reaction to his reaction my presence. I sure don’t look like a Victoria’s Secret model or even the more buxom group in the second photo but my man made me feel beautiful in his presence, ALWAYS, and left me with the knowledge that I am beautiful!

    Reply
    • Oh you gave me chills. It’s true. Everyone wants to be loved that way and everyone deserves to be loved like that. It took me a long time to understand that it was okay to want that. I’m very very glad you had that too, and will always have it to hold on to. <3

      Reply
  39. When I met my fiancé, she had a 2 and a half year old son and all of the things that came along with it: “baby daddy” “extra weight” “stretch marks” etc, and I’m sure you all know the rest. I, however, did not see any of that. I saw a strong, outgoing, beautiful and independent WOMAN. I try to remind her daily that she is beautiful and that she can still turn me on by just giving me “that look”. Ladies, when your boyfriend/husband tells you (with a smile on his face and that gleam in his eye) that you are perfect and beautiful, listen and believe!

    Reply
    • Perfect. Perfect. PERFECT! I had (have) all those things. It’s a brave thing to do to love someone who has all that “history”. Thank you for doing that, I am grateful grateful GRATEFUL everyday that my husband was willing to take that chance too.

      Reply
  40. Oh my…needed this today, right now!! thank you! i often question if my husband still thinks i am hot…we’ve been together for 19 years (started dating when we were 16) and married for 12…he’s seen my “hot” body, but has also seen me grow a baby in this body, birth a beautiful little girl and now sees my stretch marks and all…and yes still wants me anywhere…anytime! i am one lucky lady, thanks for the reminder!!

    Reply
  41. I love this so much! Thank you so much for sharing! I am one of those women that hurries in the shower and is terrified of my husband seeing my ‘after baby belly!’ He does think I am beautiful!! We sure are some lucky girls to have wonderful husbands who love us and love everything about us!!

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  42. My husband told me before our first child (my second) that if I didn’t lose all the baby weight, he would divorce me. I ended up having 3 babies within 2 1/2 years and haven’t lost any of the weight. Our youngest is 2 now. He says the weight doesn’t matter to him anymore but i’m so self conscious now and wonder how he really feels about it.

    Reply
    • My fiancée got very drunk before we got married and told me he didn’t know if he could love me if I got fat like my aunts. We are no longer together. That stuck with me and his visible absence from our life created an eraser to all loving words out of his mouth. I get it. I feel for you.

      Reply
    • Oh, hugs to you! Have you told him how much it hurt you for him to say that? I can only imagine the pressure you must feel. <3 But I do know that when a loving husband sees the gift of a child the things they value change. I’m sure he sees you as someone way more beautiful now, the mother of his children. And I’m sure you are that person, beautiful in and out. <3

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  43. This is pure awesomeness!! Thank you so much for sharing these words with us. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and a lovely reminder to love myself, and LISTEN to and BELIEVE my husband.

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  44. I loved your piece beautiful brought me to tears.. words that comfort the hidden scars and thoughts inside of you. Shameless to say im one of those mom who went from a size 6 to 14… hefty in the midsection and behind. Lol.but after three pregnancies and two beautiful children and thirteen years with my hubby he loves me like no other. We have both aged,both put on weight,striving, working,taking care our home and our kids. But everyday a loving touch,a loving word,a caring hug,and in other ways helps to keep love. Yes we arent defined by society. I truly believe that because i have lived through much that this same world of people would think i am a failure with no worth in the world. So yes, yes,yes he would run to have sex with me. Guess wat i am really really good with that to be honest. Because its me he loves. As for the points of spouses and partners being brutally honest. I have a brutally honest man. He loves to see me look good on his arm and confident about it too. He would say if my tummy is looks fat in a dress o top makes me look pregnant. Because when he looks at me everyday he drops me off to head to work he says you so pretty and he blushes. From now on i hope not doubt him.

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  45. I love what you write, however, what many husband’s say contradicts what they do. Sure, my childrens’ father (who I have been with for 11 years but refuse to marry) gas said and still says the same things to me. “You’re so pretty”, “I love you so much”, “you’re the prettiest thing in the world”…blah, blah, blah. It’s hard to believe those things all while he has lied, cheated, snuck around, slept with a friend, etc. I try to work it out mainly for the kids but really, how do I go about listening to his words? I’m not the only one, women have trust issues and do not believe what men say because quite frankly, THEY LIE! Guys say what they think you want to hear. You are beautiful as are many women who are overweight, have stretch marks, etc. I myself have 4 kids and the stretch marks to prove it. Our difference, I’ve been lied to by too many guys and the one I’ve given 11 years to, to believe that I am “the most beautiful thing in the world” or any of the others. So when women don’t believe these things, there is likely a good reason behind it.

    Reply
    • if complements go rejected for so long there’s likely other issues in the relationship, and his libido is crushed so he seeks companionship elsewhere.

      Reply
    • Just forgive forget and pretend today is the first day of your relationship. Accept the child inside as the adult would have wanted her to be.

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    • Dear Anonymous, I understand where you are coming from completely! I will say this article was well written and it brought me to tears, mainly because I wish my husband would do that same thing for me but he doesn’t. I am property, an object. It doesn’t matter to him how I feel about myself, as long as I don’t feel good, he his happy. If I feel worthless, I will put up with anything he chooses to do; cheat, (with numerous friends of mine), lie continuously, steal from me, not work, the list goes on. Why do I stay? Because I am that broken and I have no one to help me get out of this hole. My family was abusive to me and that has made me an easy target for him. So there is no support for me to leave. I understand this isn’t the place for this, this is a beautiful testament to a supportive and loving husband and a woman who is understanding what she has. I understand what I have and I cannot change it. He tells me what he thinks I want to hear to get what he wants. My husband has shadow emotions and responses, no real emotions. He reflects what emotions I display. There is no love on his part, I am a convenience. It’s hard to keep it together with someone breaking you down. So If you don’t believe your husband, you may have a reason because he is a liar. OR you just haven’t started loving yourself yet. Maybe both. Maybe he is a sociopath.

      Reply
    • If he seeks “companionship” elsewhere he is a cheater. That statement is blaming the woman for his unfaithfulness and that is plain sick and wrong. If a man is not happy he should leave and not come back. That is no excuse for a man to cheat. If he is unhappy, he should leave. If a spouse cheats it is because they wanted to, not because their spouse did or didn’t do something. ””””””””’ That is a slime ball comment.

      Reply
    • You call this guy your children’s father not your boyfriend/partner. People say kids are better off with 2 parents, I believe that kids will prefer to have happy parents even if that means not together. You deserve to be happy, everybody does. Just remember you are important and should be made to feel so!

      Reply
    • After abuse issues I can understand where you are coming from – but I have been married 40 years now to a man who has been totally faithful, and my husband still thinks I am beautiful, and tells me that regularly. I think I am getting it, but like you there have been trust issues. I have loved reading this post and am encouraged. Thank you Nicole.

      Reply
    • I do think that your husband means that you are the most beautiful woman in the world ,but like all humans he has faults with infidelity and like most of us want more than we have.

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  46. My husband tells me I’m hot all the time. I’m not. But HE thinks so. God has made him blind to my many, many flaws. My only fear is that one day he’ll stop telling me. He’s been telling me for 28 years. I think it might stick.

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  47. My husband cant control his self around me. To be honest some times it discusses me, one because I dont feel respected, and two I want him to respect the fact our kids are awake. They may not be in the room but its the fact they are awake. I love the fact that he finds me so attractive, we have had some pretty rough times in the past. I know the past should be left in the past, but at times I feel he is just being selfish. Im sorry if I am going into to much details. I have had 2 children and from time to time I grab(pinch) my stomach wishing I could loose the streach marks. I even ask him from time to time if I am still sexy to him, because I dont find myself sexy with the streach marks. I am not saying I am ugly, just I dont feel confident in my own skin. I use to wear 2 piece bathing suits and with the marks I find it very hard to get into a two piece bathing suit. I wear a size 5/7 in juniors, 6in petites. And I am not confident in my own skin. Your story has opened my eyes to see how lucky I am to have a man who cant keep his paws off me (lol). To see that all my inperfection is me and not others. Maybe I should challenge myself to over come my fears and try to see how I feel next year in a 2 piece. Or something like that. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Reply
    • Don’t let your husband’s physical displays of affection bother you too much, as long as they are not inappropriate for children’s eyes. My father was very physically expressive to my mother growing up–kissing her constantly, playful tickles, etc., though nothing grossly inappropriate. Us kids used to think it was yucky, but in hindsight it made us very aware of how much our father loved our mother. It gave us confidence in the health of our parents’ marriage, which in turn gave us a great sense of stability.

      Reply
  48. This is amazing. I, also, was in tears. My husband tells me every day how pretty I am..or how hot I look and after two kids, I just don’t believe him. My first was an emergency C-section and I was cut from hip to hip and my second kid brought on so many stretch marks, I could be the new USA roadways map, with the mountain ranges. Sometimes we take too much notice to those who matter least, and not enough notice to those who matter most. I need to learn this.

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  49. While I think MY wife is the prettiest most perfect one in the world, and yes I stare at her rack when she is getting out of the shower and oh yes you have it right I will drop anything, anytime and meet her anywhere she wants for a little loving, I have to say you too are beautiful.

    By the way are my wife’s breasts as firm as they were before she bore our kids? no, but that doesn’t make them any less attractive, in fact they look happy and lived in now.

    Truly I am the one every day who wonders how I got so lucky to get this woman to marry me. I’ll be your husband agrees about you. . . .

    Reply
    • You made me laugh, “happy and lived in”. Like a 14 year old boy, I seriously still laugh at the word “rack”. LOL. But It’s all true. My husband says he feels lucky and since I know I feel that way—I choose to believe him. 😉

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  50. This is awesome. I’m an always-single but I’ve been through so many body changes (having lost over half my size) that I’m hoping that someone out there will ignore the left over skin that won’t come off without surgery (which I could never get without winning the lottery), and past the sags, scars, etc. ……. So believe him hunny and not allbthoise voices that love to scream how worthless we are.

    Reply
    • I truly believe that there is someone like that out there for you, I believe it because I found someone like that in my own life. So much admiration from me to you for losing so much weight for YOU and honoring yourself just exactly as you are. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! <3

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  51. Your words touched me in all the right places. My belly. My stretch marks. My view of me. And yet I go to the gym and pretend I don’t care while I avoid mirrors and looks from the LLL (Lulu Lemon Ladies). I’m going to send this to every friend I have. Male and female. First…my daughter.

    Reply
    • Susan, laughing at the LLL….you just keep going and keep on keeping on. I am always the one panting away at the gym, wondering why it looks so much easier for everyone else. But then I think, so what? I’m there and I’m doing it. And that is part of what inspired me to write this piece, because I thought about that space of life where I was always “waiting” to feel good about myself. Waiting to be thinner to be happy. Waiting to buy nicer clothes until I was thinner. I guess i thought I could be waiting my whole life and never get “there”, so I may as well start listening to the right people and enjoying what I have. So grateful that message came through and hopeful that “your view of you” is as beautiful as the people who matter most to you see it. <3

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  52. When I say I am fat, my husband says, who said that, I will beat them up. When I say I am old, my husband says, I thought you were 23 (the age I was when we met 33 years ago), and when I say I am wrinkled, my husband says, your still a young chickie. Every woman needs that kind of man.

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  53. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you wrote this about me…..and my husband…..who tells me every single day how much he loves me, and that I am beautiful. He has been saying it for the past 20 years, and I look forward to hearing it for the next 40. Thank you for being so real…..and thank your husband for being, well, awesome!

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  54. When I say negative things about myself my partner tells me to shutup and that im beautiful. But because I don’t see myself as beautiful I don’t believe him. I mean whats so sexy about stretch marks, a big butt that jiggles and boobs that due to breastfeeding aren’t where they used to be. But reading this makes me think, actually I may not be the hottest girl to every person in the world but I am to the most important people in my life. So thank you, so much!

    Reply
    • It’s true. I wish I could back and live the 34 years before I wrote this again with the knowledge of what you wrote above—that I was listening to the wrong people and letting them define me. It changes everything to think of it differently, doesn’t it? Thank you so much for reading and for sharing. <3

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  55. Nicole – Thank you for this post. After reading it, and all the comments, I had an epiphany. I’ve had three kids, the “baby” is soon to be sixteen, so my size 3 existence is but a vague memory at this point, never to be seen again. I could stand to lose 30lbs, just as much for health reasons as vanity reasons. Thankfully the stretch marks are minimal. My lush, long, auburn hair is now short and grey because psoriasis prevents me from coloring it. Quite honestly, I have been feeling rather weathered lately.

    Your post however got me thinking, and I realized maybe, just maybe, my husband sees me the way I see him. If I stand back and analyze him with strictly a clinical eye and pick apart his appearance and traits, not many would find him attractive. He’s overweight, a frumpy dresser, his beard needs to be attacked with a weed whacker. He, the perpetual thirteen year old boy, thinks flatulence is hysterical. He’s stubborn, opinionated, and at times can be a real butt, yet whenever I see him (especially if it is unexpectedly) my heart still skips a beat.

    Is this logical? No, it isn’t. He’s obviously not GQ material. I can appreciate the beauty of the magazine and Hollywood men, but they don’t garner the same reaction (and they shouldn’t). So, if this completely illogical opinion of my husband rings true with me, why can’t he have the same completely illogical opinion of me? Maybe, just maybe, he still sees the pretty girl I once was…

    I never looked at it that way before. The thought never entered my mind. So thank you again. For the first time in a very long time, I actually feel pretty good about my appearance. (That’s not saying I wouldn’t mind losing those 30lbs of course. LOL)

    Reply
    • Sigh, me too Christina. And I still try to lose them. But what you wrote above is so perfect and concise, it’s it EXACTLY. I dont’ know why it is, that we see someone we love through those eyes, but I am so glad we do. I love your words, the way you describe your husband (who sounds perfectly cute) and the way you describe this epiphany—it’s spot on. Thank you so so so much!

      Reply
  56. Thank you so much for sharing this! 🙂 It is truly amazing and my life to a tee! There are so many curvy, beautiful women out there and you’re right! All the media wants to display are Vic Secret Models who are size 0. Thank you again for sharing! <3

    Reply
  57. I totally agree with this.
    I’ve always believed that when it comes to what makes a woman truly attractive,perfection in beauty is WAY overrated.
    To me,the essence of a woman is valued in other things. If her personality and confidence are in order,I could care less about her bodily imperfections. Heck,I know I’m not perfect.
    If she’s a really awesome woman,those imperfections actually can become attractive on their own-her own unique characteristics that I won’t be able to find in other women.
    It’s not every guy that thinks that way,at least not right away.
    But if he does,he’s got an advantage over the ones who think that the best kind of women look like the ones in (mainstream) adult magazines.

    Reply
  58. Thank you so much for sharing. After reading this I leaned over and kissed my husband for he has been doing this ever since forever.. three kids and one on ttheway he still calls me beautiful so After reading your blog opened up my eyes to REALITY. I am beautiful with my stretch maks etc.

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  59. Great blog! I completely agree that women question themselves and beat themselves down a bit too much.
    However, I had one issue with this. I don’t think I like the ‘sex’ angle you twisted in – implying that as long as the husband is getting sex in the shower, or will leave what he is doing for a quickie means he thinks you are beautiful. I think a relationship is far beyond sex and the fact that he is willing to have sex with you at the drop of hat shouldn’t be the comfort factor about your beauty. It’s about the beauty even when you cant have sex.

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  60. Thank you for these words. I am someone who had been under weight my whole life and was often referred to as skinny. I had plenty of people ask me if I had an eating disorder. I am 5″7 and weighed between 45-50kgs and always felt horrid. Stress does not do me favors as the weight just falls off. If i had a dollar for every time someone said to me i wish i had your problem I’d be a gazillionaire.
    I have had 2 children and was divorced my first husband.
    Then a miracle happened and I met my now husband. He had been amazing to me and never Spa telling me how beautiful I am it hire sexy he thinks I am. The Miracle I mentioned is that I now weig 58kgs and am the happiest I have ever been. He still thinks I’m sexy and for that I am blessed and finally know what true love is.

    Reply
    • That’s it, exactly. I’ve been all over the place since I’ve met my husband. An 8. A 10 (when I wrote this piece. An 8 again. Now a 12. He sees it and I know he sees it, that’s where I have to argue my point in some comments (which is a fair point, to be sure). But it doesn’t seem to change his attraction to me, when it’s channelled through love. I’m so very glad you have tht too. It changes everything.

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  61. Brilliant. Thank you for this. My husband said to me recently “if you think you’re too fat, and I think you’re just right, why don’t we just listen to me?”. Smart smart man I married.

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  62. Yes and Yes. I need to add that after I lost my hair to chemo,( and he helped me to shave my head), he sang :” You are sooo beautiful to me, everything I ever hoped foroooorrrr , with so much sincerity that I had to laugh and laugh….and that was after 2 kids with a lot of stretch marks and soggy boobs… As judge Judy said:” Beauty fades, dumb is forever.. “

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  63. All this positive self talk between women is fine. I see little harm in it and some good. However I feel a line is crossed when women delude themselves into believing they can instruct MEN on what they are “supposed” to be attracted to. WE as individual men will decide that on our own just as you as women will. YOU have as much say about what men are attracted to as the men have say about what WOMEN are attracted to and that amount is EXACTLY ZERO.
    This will be good news for some women and bad news for other women. Sorry but that is reality.

    Reply
    • I appreciate your comment and I appreciate that you took the time to read the essay. Thank you for that.
      I don’t think, though, that any woman here is instructing a man on what they “should” be attracted to at all. I think it is simply that when you are in a healthy marriage (not a perfect one, by any means—mine is certainly not perfect), you can find a myriad of reasons that your spouse is attractive, from inside and out. And my point is, why do we not value the opinion of the person who we live with, who we share our lives with as much as we value the opinion of people we do not know.

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  64. While I understand the overall meaning of this blog and agree with some points of it I think we need to be careful here about the message that is spreading. We as a people should not be championing obesity when it is a major problem in this country. Some of this blog comes across as women can just be lazy and eat what they want and their husbands will still find the sexy. As others have pointed out, most men will lie to women anyways. Also most married men are never going to turn down sex no matter what their wife looks like as it’s the only way they can get it without cheating. I’m not married but would want a spouse to not strive to be have a supermodel body by dieting all the time. With that said I want a spouse who’s also going to take care of themselves and eat healthy and work out. Not to just look better but because it’s a healthy lifestyle and that should be the most important. Women can lose weight after having kids, I’ve seen it done with tons of women who are not celebrities or famous. It takes will power and a want to attitude. If I as a man am going to keep myself in shape and try to be as healthy as possible I expect my wife to as well.

    Reply
    • You have missed the point.

      This is not about being overweight. This is not about a husband lying in order to get sex.

      Any woman who takes care of her children, her husband, and works a job has very little time to spend taking care of herself. A loving husband sees that, understands that, and has grace. He loves her for who she is, for her love, for her true beauty. Wrinkles, dimples, pimples and all.

      An obese woman is still beautiful. And a loving man understands that. He doesn’t have to have to be sexually attracted in order to see beauty. And he doesn’t have to reject her for her flaws- or fat, either.

      If you spend time keeping yourself in shape, then I suggest you seek your woman at the gym. For the rest of the men who are already married to mothers, maids, and short order cooks- give your wife the love she desires, and you will be thrilled with the motivation it gives her to make you happy and fulfilled.

      Reply
    • Hiya, I don’t think the point of the post was a “championing of obesity” as much as it was an acknowledgement of the differences in how we see ourselves (sometimes destructively to ourselves) and how others see us. You mentioned that you were not married and i believe that your not being married may change the viewpoint for you (and please do not take my pointing that out as any disrespect as none is meant) Of the many things that I found to be quite different in my marriage than I had ever expected, one of the bigger misconceptions I had before my marriage was the closeness I feel with my wife while still being completely separate from her. I am not sure how others feel and whether this is kind of a “standard” thing in marriage, but I often wonder at times why my wife (whom I find extremely attractive still) would have married me. Why me? why not wait until someone better looking or smarter or more patient or whatever came along. I completely still see why I would have ‘scooped up ” my wife when I could have, but don’t always see the value in what she saw. I think that is what this post focuses on. Would I like to be in better shape? absolutely, Does it matter that my wife has stretch marks from our 10 pound baby girl who is now 6? Nope. Those are reminders of what she brought to “us” (even when our daughter rolls her eyes at us..) She sees them differently than I do as I must see myself differently than she does. She always says when I doubt myself, that I “get her”. I think that vague explanation is probably as focused as we may be able to explain and it pulls me through my times of weakness so that I can be around to pull her though hers.

      Reply
    • I scrolled down the blog to see some more encouragement. I don’t even understand why you read this and felt like you had to write this.

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    • Wow, I am sad for you! I just gave birth to my second son 14 months ago. I do what I can when I am able (not enough exercise but watch what I eat). I am down to a size4/ 6 which I feel comfortable in. I don’t think I have heard one comment about me being beautiful from my husband of eight years. The truth is I know I am not good enough for him and I have no idea why I am so stupid for trying to be someone I am not. This blog brought tears to my eyes realizing there are REALLY, actually decent guys out there that don’t criticize! Women need encouragement, not criticism. They need their partner to be a friend, to be by their side so that they want to live a healthy lifestyle for the right reasons. You are right, a healthy lifestyle is important but if you live with a man who only criticizes and rarely compliments…I am telling you, it’s NOT healthy! Thank you to the women that opened my eyes by leaving their comments….that sure sounds amazing!!!!

      Reply
    • Good luck with your judgemental attitude. Women look different after having babies. Women have different genetics and some do not have any elasticity in their skin after age 25. You need to be accepting of a woman because no matter what, at age 65, we all are wrinkled and saggy. Get over the idea that youth is beauty and find the beauty inside. It is the only thing that lasts. Someone loving you for what is inside is like precious jewels that will never lose their value.

      Reply
    • This post is spot-on.

      Obesity in America is not a self-esteem problem. It’s a bloody public health crisis, slowly killing us by the millions. The fact that consumerist ideals in the fashion industry are untenable simply cannot compare as an issue of public concern.

      A woman who lets herself get and stay obese deprives her family of precious years of getting to have the mother and wife they love around. And for what? Nothing but gluttonous self-indulgence and not having to put in effort at the gym? That’s selfish and deplorable. The idea that it’s all about sex and beauty is small-minded; life, and our time together in it, is short enough as it is. Leaving years ahead of one’s proper time just to avoid having to sweat and apply some self-control from time to time is absolutely tragic.

      Reply
    • I think you have a point there. Although obesity is not at the centre in this post, it´s part of that culture today that spreads pics of skinny girls on Facebook and mocks them, and at the same time celebrates obesity (take the last pic at the end of the post: those women are clearly obesed, and have a health problem there). There´s a difference between curvy and obesed.

      Also, I think it´s basic respect towards your life partner to keep active and take care of yourself. No one choosing a partner would prefer a lazy couch-potato who doesn´t take care of him/herself, but people settle for it if their spouse turns into one. I´ve been with my common-law husband now 15 years. I know that he would love me no matter what I looked like, but I see it as respectful and thoughtful to him too to take care of myself, not to mention that staying fit and pretty makes me happy and healthy. I work out, jog, do my nails, make-up and just got hair extensions. My husband works out too, and even though he´s older than me he´s in better shape than most guys my age are.

      It´s disrespectful to your partner to start thinking “Okay, I´ve got this man/woman on ball and chain with marriage, kids, mortgage and stuff, so I don´t need to look good anymore. He/she´ll love me anyway so I can just let my looks go down the drain.” It´s just like saying you just don´t care enough to want to be a pleasing partner.

      Reply
  65. I used to be insecure about my then boyfriend (now hubby) touching me or seeing my naked body until one time I was caressing his sides. I was thinking how much I loved him and how I just wanted to be with him. He stopped me and said I was playing with his love handles. That was the last thing I was thinking of and I assured him I was not and I truly had not even noticed love handles. It made me realize that everyone has insecurities, but the likelihood of others noticing what you see is very low. That’s when I learned to just be comfortable with myself and when my hubby says I’m beautiful I believe him (and I like to throw out the handsome compliment whenever I can). He is not thinking about the belly I want to look different, he is thinking about giving my chest a squeeze.We are very comfortable together now. I want to share because I want you ladies to understand that we are always harsher on ourselves than other people, so they are not seeing what you see when you look in a mirror.

    Reply
    • You are so right! Others do not see us the same as we see ourselves and what WE see is based in part on our confidence or lack thereof. I have Known women who were so secure in their sex appeal despite size that they actually transferred a positive image to those around them. Being comfortable in your skin is not seeing yourself as perfect, it is in accepting that the exterior is NOT all there is to YOU.

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    • This is spot on. It’s about realizing what is really important to that person we are with—what a big difference it makes when we can just relax and be comfortable when we are being intimate with someone else. It changes everything! Thank you so much!

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  66. Amazing! AMAZING! I love this. The timing is awesome. The words are beautiful. The fact that your husband sings in your ear in the morning..f**king amazing! The rest doesn’t matter.
    Thanks for writing this.
    Rita

    Reply
  67. Thank you!!
    I love the way my wife looks, she is so beautiful to me!!!
    I appreciate greatly this article… I wish more women could be happy with the love and admiration and total honesty of their husbands when they say, “you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me.”

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  68. WELL said my love, well said. And remember your words with each passing year. I have a birth certificate that states that I’ve been in the earth realm for 61 years this December. However, in my soul I AM eternally 27. We are only as old as we tell ourselves we are and the age we feel is the age we will submit to. Always think of yourself as young, fit and attractive. You go girl!

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  69. My first husband told me in our early 20’s “Promise me you’ll never look like your Mother”. Now, at 51, having had 5 beautiful children (one of them just 8 yrs ago!) I do, in fact, look just like my Mother! I’m short, and stocky and rounded! I’m no longer a size 5. My current (and amazing) husband looks at me every single day like I am the most perfect and beautiful woman in the world. He “sneaks a peek” whenever he can, he stares at me when I’m not looking, and when we tells me that I’m beautiful, I believe him … even if only until the next time I look in the mirror! 🙂 Thank you for this post … I loved it!

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  70. My wife is the most beautiful woman. She is perfect to me. We have been together for 31 + years and when she gets undressed at night, it is my favorite time .I think She is perfect. I love everything about her and wouldn’t change a thing. I tell her that every day. Jim Dionne

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    • I’m just so grateful that I got to share this essay with people, for the simple reason that I get to read comments like yours, Jim. It’s a blessing for me and for your wife and for others who doubt that what I say could be true—you prove it IS true. Thank you.

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  71. Nicole, I really believe that I was supposed to read your blog today. I recently lost a lot of weight and have started dating, but I’ve been so self-conscience about my body and the way it looks after I’ve lost the weight. I had almost convinced myself that there isn’t a man in existence that will look past the saggy skin and stretch marks, but then I read your post and felt a bit of hope for myself. It seemed like I couldn’t win because society told me to not be overweight and then after I lost the weight, they told me to have perfectly tight and flawless skin. I’ve been feeling hopeless, but you’ve helped restore some of the hope for me. There are good people out there who will love me no matter how I look and that’s all that matters.

    Reply
    • Oh, friend. You made me tear up—it’s so true. I promise you it is true. I had 4 babies, 4 c/s and as thin as I could get (which was an 8!) after my divorce, my body showed all that wear. I literally did not think any man could find my body attractive. But I was wrong. I was so so so wrong. The things that I worried about (that came from babies I didn’t even have with him!) became the things he found special, remarkable, beautiful about me. And now, if you read these comments, you see how many husbands explain that they too, feel this way…it might feel hopeless because it is scary and new now, but it is not. I promise you, it is not. And you will be just fine. I promise you. <3 Hugs as you start on a wonderful new adventure.

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  72. What a great read. Sometimes I have self doubt of my beauty I have always been over weight . Since ivw gotten older i have realized my beauty . But in the relationship im in now i never hear that i am beautiful and sometimes its all you wanna hear after having their baby and makes you doubt it . But ive asked my husband why he doessnt and he says he dont need to tell me and shows his love in other ways . It dossnt mean your not if your spouse dont tell you that your beautiful . But guys it does help a girl out if you are telling her . Wish mine did though for some reasurance sometimes . Maybe im just with the wrong kinda guy for me .

    Reply
    • You ARE right, though. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or find you beautiful if he doesn’t say it, sometimes the words are very hard for people. I think in my small opinion, it may not mean that he doesn’t feel it, but that he has to know how important it is that he says it. Sometimes just explaining that is all it takes to shift it towards using the words more comfortably. Maybe if you explain to him that the words of reassurance are a gift he can give to you, it will help? I love what you have said about understanding your own beauty as you get older. I feel this way too. <3

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  73. I wish every woman in the world would read this and take it to heart, because you are correct. More than that, I wish that my woman would read this and believe every word is truth.

    I also wish that every man would read this and learn from your husband. He is a smart guy.

    I am sharing this out, so maybe you will help a few more people.

    PS your husband is right, you are beautiful.

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  74. I am a 42 year old man and I appreciate you writing this article. I am single and find myself in situations where women wont accept my interest in them because they dont think they fit the “physical type” I would be into. Then the ones that do give me a chance decide they need to go to the gym with me or go on a diet. If they really want to do that stuff it’s fine but it doesn’t seem like that is the motive. I wish I could get a woman I find attractive to accept that I find them quite beautful the way they are.

    Maybe the next beautiful woman I meet will have read your article.

    Reply
    • I hope she has. I really hope she has. Someone posted a quote on Twitter that has stuck with me all week—“a lack of confidence in your body is much more of a turn off than any part of your body can ever be”—it seems so true. The more we own what we have, the more people see that first. Hoping you find just that right person for you.

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  75. After 5 kids and 24 years of marriage I certainly do not have the body I had when I married! I can so relate to the whole idea of boobs being like oranges in tube socks! Sometimes I swear I have to roll them up like some weird version of a swiss cake roll and stuff them in a bra! I have stretch marks everywhere, and I mean everywhere! (thank you, multiple 10lb+ babies!), and more grey hair than whatever color natural is at this point. Despite that, my husband tells me I’m beautiful and he means it. At times I’m sure age and stress has dimmed his vision, but then I decided the love in his eyes clouds it and he really does see me as beautiful. When I see a flabby stomach, he sees the vehicle that brought his 5 beautiful children into the wold. Of course, I think he’s pretty easy to look at as well! thank you for writing this. I needed someone to jar my perspective back into line this morning. I’m afraid I had let someone steal my tiara!

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  76. I am in tears, I am a mother of 3 work 55 plus a week running a daycare out of my home. My husband is a wonderful man but never does he tell me anything like that. You are very lucky to have someone who makes a point to tell you that.

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  77. This brought me to tears multiple times throughout the day…but because my husband has never told me I’m pretty or beautiful or whatever all of these ladies are used to experiencing. In fact, he has quite frankly let me know that he isn’t all that attracted to me physically. I hope you know that you are very lucky to have a husband who finds you beautiful regardless. I grew up believing that some day somebody would marry me and tell me I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, but I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that maybe that is just a fairytale and some women don’t get to have that kind of husband who sees the beauty through the flaws. I know my husband loves me for other reasons, but it is a daily struggle to accept that we don’t have to be beautiful to anyone else. I am trying to learn to listen to my own voice and not worry about anyone else’s opinion is of me, including the man lying next to me in bed at night.

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  78. Thank you! I needed to hear this. I have been married for 17 years and I still never will make whoopi in the light. It has to be pitch black, because I hate the way I look, even though my husband tells me frequently how hot I am. I need to internalize this message.

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  79. Thank you so much for this. My husband is always telling me I’m beautiful or sexy and I’m quick to dismiss him. I think, how can he find this sexy, my tummy, cellulite, stretch marks and saggy boobs. I get frustrated and embarrassed when he compliments my breasts. But I read this, not two, not three, but four times. And I realize that he truly does think what he tells me. And why on earth am I trying to convince him otherwise. So the next time he tells me, instead of dismissing him, I think I’ll pull him in for a kiss and a much needed hug. And an I love you 🙂

    Reply
    • Ah! That’s an epiphany for me—“why on earth am I trying to convince him otherwise?”. Right? Isn’t that what we do when our husband says, “you’re beautiful” and we say “no, no, youre wrong”? Why do we do that? What a good point. Thank you—and thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment. <3

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  80. Thanks so much for saying things that need to be said, and so beautifully too. It took my wife about 8 years to believe me when I told her how beautiful she was. I think it finally sunk in for her one night when I started crying when I told her she was beautiful and she said “No, I’m fat.” She was 19 and athletic when we got married; now she’s 36 and showing some wear from 6 pregnancies. I’d say she’s way more confident about her body now than she was when she was a teen. We lost two babies to miscarriage and we’ve had four healthy full-term pregnancies. Our oldest is 14 years old and six feet tall and beat me in a half marathon this summer. My wife and I have had sickness and health, richer and poorer, good times and bad. I’m 37 years old, almost completely gray, and I’m certainly not the hunk I was when we got married. I’m honest with her if an outfit doesn’t fit her well, but I’m honest if an outfit really turns me on. Lots of things have changed over the years, like this: the love keeps getting deeper and the sex keeps getting hotter. Thanks again for sharing, keep up the good work. I think I’ll go kiss my wife.

    Reply
    • It does keep getting better, doesn’t it? And what makes it even better is knowing that your spouse can be honest enough to tell you when something looks wrong or doesn’t fit right—because you know (as a woman) that when he tells you “you look wonderful” he means it. It’s an excellent thought and such a comfort. Thank you so much!

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  81. Excellent Nicole – In the 10 years my wife and I have been together she has had 4 spinal cord surgeries, a hysterectomy, ruptured appendix surgery, a single sided mastectomy, carpal tunnel surgery and several others I can’t recall, Her body is a mass of scars and on top of that she’s a 46 year Type 1 diabetic that has an insulin pump plugged in all the time. At 59 and 65 gravity is taking its toll on both of us. To me she is the most beautiful woman in the world and no one can tell me otherwise.

    Reply
    • Doug, I am so grateful for your comment and for your time reading the essay. And grateful to know–and see through your words–that no matter what life unfolds for us, sometimes just loving someone is enough to make it okay.

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    • Nicole, thank you – the exterior is irrelevant it’s the inner person that matters. It’s taken me three marriages to understand and accept that but that’s just the way it is with some of us early baby boomers (’49). Overcoming social conditioning is hard for men and women. I guess it helps that I’ve been a rebel against social norms since my early adulthood.

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  82. As a newly divorced mom of 2, it has been a harsh (self inflicted) reality that this time being single after 13 years of marriage, I know have stretch marks, am 40 lbs heavier, mass cellulite, and ‘mom boobs’. Getting naked with someone new tends to cause some serious anxiety. Reading this affirms to me that I may not need to be as self conscience. It also gives me great hope of finding someone who will think I am absolutely beautiful despite the imperfections I see. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Oh Alicia, I could have written your comment. I was married 13 years to someone else and there was a part of me, deep down, that was convinced that one of the reasons I should stay in that marriage is that no one would ever find me attractive after having my children. But I was really wrong and I’m so glad (for you and for me) that I was. Further, I have divorced male friends that I have grilled up and down on this subject and they all say the same thing—they know what grown women who have had children look like, really look like and they find it sexy. There will be plenty of men who will say that they want a 40 year old woman with the body of a 20 year old and, sure–but we don’t want to marry those guys anyway so who needs them? You will find someone who loves you and finds you beautiful in spite of all those “negative” things you see when you look in the mirror. And hopefully, you will find someone who finds you beautiful BECAUSE of them. Hugs and best wishes, Nicole

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  83. I agree with this. at times i feel ugly and my husband tells me ” i wouldnt have married an ugly woman” and that he he will always wanna ” do me” lolol!! i have major tiger stripes over my whole bod but he dont notice. he tells me im a sexy momma all the time. thank you for the article. its so easy to believe the tv and mags about what beauty is instead of believing the people who matter.

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  84. I love this. I battle daily with my husband’s words to me about being set and my mirror. The mirror is not nice at all. Every flaw from stretch marks in yes places they don’t belong….ie…the middle of your but the inside of your thighs….all the way to saggy boobs, crows feet and grey hair. Some where my husband always manages to same something sweet that goes in one ear and out the other. I think they lie. LOL. I have no idea where he sees sexy, beautiful, or anything else but he does and I love him for it. I love that he says my eyes play tricks on me and the mirror lies. He reminds me that I was made in the image of God and he don’t make any junk. He makes beautiful things. We are all amazingly beautiful. Thank you for inspiring women everywhere. You are awesome.

    Reply
    • Man oh man! This is good stuff, Season. I teared up. Your husband is a keeper, truly. And the more comments I read from husbands, the more I realize that our husbands are not lying at all—that’s truly what they see: someone beautiful. You are awesome. (Your husband already knows that). <3

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  85. Beauty has nothing to do with looks. Beauty is who that person is. My wife is the most amazing woman. And she is more beautiful with each line, wrinkle, and surgery scar.
    I can’t even begin to describe how my feelings have deepened over the past 13 years. She however is annoyed as I trace the smile lines in her face. But I can’t help it. Because we put them there together:)
    Great blog post! Thank you.

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  86. I just happened to click on this in my Google+ stream and I am so happy I did. Love it and I can completely relate. The girls are mangoes on steroids without the firmness and a whole lot of slack. Grizzly bear scratches all over, and a spotty complexion to boot. My husband still wants to get it on after 11 years of marriage and weeks of no shaving. Thank you for this!

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  87. I read ur article and most of the comments. I am always amazed how u always get that one human who always wants to push people down. You are a very lucky woman and I am a lil jealous. I wore makeup yesterday for the first time in a long time. My husband never told me I was beautiful. I dont want to put him in a bad light becus he does say it, but in my mind I hear Im ugly, fat, gross and hes just being nice becus we have kids and they would be devistated if he left. I have had adults say mean things to me but yet my family tells me to ignore becus I am pretty. I so wish and pray that I could have a better attitude about myself. I love love love your article and maybe I can see light at the end of that dark tunnel. Thank you so much for ur inspiration.

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  88. Thank you so much for this Blog! It’s amazing how we as women will never see ourselves for what we really are,,,,and that is beautiful!! I am blessed enough to work for a company that actually has a mission to UPLIFT, EMPOWER & VALIDATE women!! So not only do we have an incredible product line but it’s so much more then that!!! Bless you for all that you do 😉
    http://www.rockurlash.com

    Reply
  89. I am getting married soon to a man who tells me I’m hot all the time. I don’t believe it. My problem isn’t society, its my mom. She tells me I’m fat and looking old all the time. Seriously. Not making this up. It started when I was about 10 when she told me I have a big nose. Honestly, up until then I never thought my nose was big. I do now. I don’t even know if it is or not anymore. She told me once the reason I don’t have wrinkles is because I’m fat enough to fill them all out.

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  90. I say stuff like that every day and night to just wife and she doesn’t believe me. Men like your husband and myself aren’t crazy, we just have a good idea of what sexy actually is.

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  91. You girls are lucky!
    I long to hear these words everyday and don’t receive them
    I am not over weight if anything under weight by a couple pounds.. 5’3 and 105 lbs. With an attractive face and killer body (at least society would say so)
    I am pretty, but I don’t feel like I am and my significant other doesn’t let me know it.
    Beauty comes from the inside and I know this. I am sure all you women here are BEAUTIFUL inside and out. I envy you.

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  92. Your blog made me tear up because this is exactly how my husband sees me. I read it to him and he giggled at some parts and agreed with it all. He also said that you ARE beautiful as are all women. Thank you for a wonderful eye opening post!!

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  93. Oh, you girls who get compliments from your husbands, cherish them! Don’t deny or diminish them. I would kill to hear comments that I’ve read from husbands on here. I have to fish for compliments, and I still don’t get them. You are lucky women.

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  94. You just made this 55 year old woman, covered with stretch marks and surgical scars, soon to be grandmother, feel so much better about herself. Thank you!!!

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  95. This is a great post. I only take issue with one small but very important point. Society is only partially to blame for women having distorted body images. At some point we have to take responsibility for accepting ourselves as beautiful the way we are and not caring for one second what magazines or advertising say we should look like. We are the ones who can choose not to let them tell us what is beautiful. Don’t give them that power.

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  96. Nicole: You are inspirational as the above comments prove. I too have the most beautiful wife. From her infectious smile down to her six toes (OK I’m kidding about the toes) she is beautiful to me. I always make comments like “I like your pajamas. . . . on the floor”, or “pass those over here” as she is climbing into bed and I’ve even been known to hide them too. She doesn’t see the wonderful, beautiful person I am married to. I am the lucky one. You have hit the nail on the head with this blog. Thank you so much.

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  97. This really touched me. It is so hard to learn to love yourself, especially when life has changed you from the ‘perfect’ you into the ‘mature’ you. Thank you for this great article.

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  98. NIcole,
    This is really important stuff. I’m crazy about my wife and tell her she is beautiful and gorgeous After 20 years of marriage and 3 kids, I’m still mad for her (even if my body doesn’t respond quite like a horny teenager any more). But because she focuses upon her imperfections, she dismisses it and it poisons our intimacy. It’s so sad, and I hope it doesn’t impact upon our kids when they get into relationships. She is an amazing woman and I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together, but sometimes I wish she would look at herself through my eyes, or the eyes of those around her who think she is wonderful too.
    I’m not particularly an oil painting (well maybe a Picasso or a Dali 😉 ) ATM, but I couldn’t think of anyone else who I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.

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  99. Well Considering you actually are quite attractive it’s probably not difficult at all for your hubby to tell you that your are the prettiest wife in the world… What impressive is he does it every morning…though I bet that his morning breath makes you wonder if his words and heart behind them are worth it….

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  100. So this must be the reason I am no longer with my husband. Since he attempted to inspire me to get back into shape after my first pregnancy with a leather mini skirt in the same size I was before I was pregnant. This after my doctor told me I was underweight before the pregnancy.

    Seriously though, your blog is inspiring. I just wish that ideal you have was reality for me.

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  101. You look beautiful to me. Thanks for your thoughts on beauty. My husband passed away two years ago, but after 37 years of marriage, 3 kids, tons of stretmemarks, way too many extra pounds, sagging boobs, he left this world loving me with all his heart and thinking I was the most beautiful wife in the world.

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  102. I love this ♡♡ and just wanted to day this goes for women of all sizes most likely. I’ve had 4 kids too, no stretch marks (don’t hate me!) and a size 6. But i still see the flaws not the beauty. My husband tells me how beautiful I am daily, I need to start believing him.

    Reply
    • You are completely right. And I so wanted to convey that size wasn’t the issue too—no matter what our size I think we always feel like there’s something just “not right” that keeps us from seeing ourselves the way our loved ones do. It’s all just right, because the person that matters most to us thinks so. Thank you SO MUCH!

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  103. Thank you for sharing your blog. Like many of those that responded, I also find myself in tears. My husband of 27 years still refers to me as his bride. He also tells me I’m sexy at which point I feel the need to make an eye doctor appointment for him. God bless you for sharing.

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  104. Just glad I’m not a woman. You ladies make your own lives and that of other ladies needlessly complicated. But it’s all about the pre-programming and procreation. The final taboo that is hardly being discussed. Good luck

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  105. For the most part it’s other women and gay men that dictate what women should look like. Men don’t care. More to the point, they care that a real life warm smelly woman is there, beside them, because they want to be. That, to most men, is pretty amazing in itself. What the woman looks like, the self-perceived faults, do not register for us as faults. Stop saying they are, and they aren’t. It’s a kinda magic. Most men are not the critics you women are told we are. They tell you that so you feel bad about yourselves and buy tons of shit to make yourselves feel better again. This blogger gets it.

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  106. I have spent my life as an obese person. This has emotionally scarred me in so many ways. Society has been so cruel to me along the way. My husband loves me and desires me just the way I am. I am 51 and 40 lbs. overweight right now and have been married for 22 years. My husband still tells me that I am beautiful and desires me physically. I feel blessed and loved. For those of you doubting that you will find this unconditional love…be patient. There is a person out there that will love you exactly as you are. Thanks for this inspiring post and I think it has helped those that have read it.

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    • Thank you for this. Feeling blessed and loved is, to me, the best anyone in the world can ever hope for—I am so glad for you that you have that. Thank you for sharing and your kindness in reading and taking the time to comment.

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  107. Wow! I read alot of the comments. I’ve been married over 20 years. My husband used to tell me I was beautiful. He still does once in awhile. My problem is…. I’ve caught him w/ Playboy, Hustler really raunchy magazine’s after we were married. Asked him to get rid of them and he supposedly did. I found more months later. Told him I didn’t like it. He threw them away. Then the computer age came. I found a number of naked pictures in his emails. Then just recently he got an iPhone and locked me out. I figured out the password and he changed it to something I hadn’t been able to figure. But he showed me a picture of our Granddaughter and low and behold I saw another one. He knows it makes me uncomfortable. I told him the last time I found something, I would divorce him. He’s apologized and still wants our marriage to work. But how many times can i forgive him? I hardly trust him anymore

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  108. At 38, with gray I refuse to color streaking my dark brown hair, stretch marks from 3 babies, and an ever expanding behind, I DO believe my husband when he tells me I’m beautiful or hot or sexy. My man is obsessed with my behind in particular. He can’t walk past me without touching, grabbing, or smacking my butt. And every night, ‘Bring my sexy booty over here. You know I can’t sleep without snuggling up to that booty.’ The looks he gives me when I’m undressing for bed, like he could devour me on the spot. The appreciative and often down right dirty comments when I put on *that* pair of jeans. He gave me confidence in myself until I found my self-confidence. I love that man even more for giving me that.

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    • I lost it with this one. Just crying, crying. “He gave me confidence in myself until I found my self-confidence’—-THIS is what I wish for everyone. It’s all that—listening to the right voice saying the words they truly mean: that changes everything. If we listen, after awhile it sort of lives inside us and shines right back out. I know that we need to have confidence from within, I’m not saying we have to look to someone else to define it for us—I’m saying (as you have so perfectly and wisely stated) that it’s okay to lean on someone elses valuable, beautiful, meaningful opinion of us until we finally feel we can make it our own. LOVE THIS AND LOVE YOU!

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    • Exactly! I finally learned to listen to him when I realized that if I blew him off, I was basically calling him a liar! Hubby’s reactions and unguarded comments were not and could not be calculated or faked. He truly sees me this way. It was a paradigm shift for me. He even started pointing out other men paying attention to me to prove his point. But the thing that drove it home was when he told me that he couldn’t be prouder that *I* was his woman, that walking around with me on his arm made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Not just because I’m the hottest thing on two legs, but because I’m a devoted wife and mother, a dedicated employee and friend, a tireless care giver. He told me that I was perfect. And he wouldn’t lie to me. After a time, I began to live it, to own it. To accept that softly rounded belly and those strands of gray and those developing wrinkles. I earned my aging body, and I’ve earned the right to be comfortable in it. I hope other women will accept the affirmations of their men, and I hope those ladies that don’t get them will learn to accept themselves, to love themselves. Peace and contentment are just around the corner!

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  109. This was lovely. I do admit I am quite envious, I can’t remember the last time my husband told me I was pretty or even said anything that would come close to a compliment! Ladies be thankful for your adoring husbands, they are not all like that.

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  110. Please tell my husband to say those things to me. I want me husband to think I am the prettiest.. he thinks I weigh too much. I do but telling me doesn’t help. And I am not overweight that much.
    You are blessed to have a husband that says you are the prettiest

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  111. I applaud you putting this out there for everyone to read and yes everyone will relate to this in one way or another. While we all have insecurities about ourselves the only opinions that matter are the ones of the people who love us. I am a man with love handles and the woman I am in love with who I love more then the very breath I take has stretch marks and the like. However she is the sexiest woman I have ever laid eyes on. I love her curves and stretch marks. Like her they have a story to tell, her life and all the crazy stuff that goes on day to day. She hates her body and and tells me when I see her fresh from the shower that she is the most beautiful woman in the world she says eww why? Why? Because I don’t look at anyone else the way I look at you. I know whats behind the stretch marks and the gray hair. A beautiful person with a heart of gold. The problem is the world we live in today promotes one way. Thin big boobed with abbs I’m even jealous of. Thats wrong in my mind. The woman herself is the beautiful thing. She melts my heart everytime she tells me she loves me. So everyone needs to believe they are the way they are and acept the fact that they are beautiful in their own way. Men or women it does not matter. Beauty does not only go skin deep. Its the soul and heart, how they carry themselves and how they believe in themselves.

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  112. Thanks for the lift, however, it’s not the one I need. I’m not on the obese end by any means but after kids, my body was worse than stretch armstrong. My husband only compliments me when I ask and tells me I am too hard on myself. I’m young, outgoing, and a good mom but my emotional state pulls me down. I’m tired of seeing my husband eye other women who nice bodies.. but not mine. I want to be his everything… and the only thing I am missing is the body.

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  113. This is a wonderful post. You are inspiring lots of people! I read quite a few comments- some rude, Many so inspired and unfortunately some that hurt my heart.
    First off, I have never had children. I have been bigger. I was larger as a child, made fun of in elementary&high school. I started playing sports and slimming down. After high school, I started to gain weight again. Buying larger pants and not having that self confidence. Being in college, away from home, without those go to people, and of course only with your friends who say “you look great”, even though they’re skinnier and prettier.
    Not feeling 100% about myself, I started eating smaller portions, and running a quarter mile to the end of the road and back because it’s all I could do. Today, I run a mile a few times a week and I’m very active outside. I’m a firm believer in if there’s a will there’s a way. I lost 50 pounds by just portioning or my food and starting to run as far as I could, then progressing each day. Yes I played sports in high school but I was no runner! Haha. I believe planing our every day what is on your to do list, how long it takes you and sticking to it, there are enough hours in a day. I know parents who get their children involved in their workout plan. There are ways. Just believe. (:
    I noticed in the comments women saying their husbands not complementing them or women not believing their significance other when they truly say “you’re beautiful”. This is what hurts my heart. Women if you’re with a man who doesn’t complement you and you want them to-find another one. You can be picky. Yes it sucks, but you want to be happy and healthy.
    If you’re not happy with yourself, make a change.I’ve worked out with mothers, I did it, and so can you. Even if it takes years. Be happy with yourself and your life.
    I wrote this in hopes someone will be inspired. Even though there are negative people in your life or society, you don’t have to let it affect you and YOUR happiness. Get out make a change and be happy! (:

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  114. This was posted by a guy friend of mine who adores his wife and wants every woman to feel beautiful no matter what their body has been through. Very well written, great read! Thank you!

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  115. You say size 10 jeans like it’s a bad thing 🙁 Literally the only time I was able to get that small was when I had an eating disorder. I can’t express to you how wonderful, slim and sexy it felt to be a size 10, and how dearly I miss being that size, even though I don’t miss the eating disorder that brought it on. Just…know that whatever is going on with your body that you don’t like, you are already the size that many women find to be an unattainable ideal.

    Otherwise, though, I love this piece. I also am fortunate to have one of those husbands who is genuinely attracted to me despite everything. It’s easy to tell if a man is just going through the motions because you’re available versus truly finding you attractive, and I know my husband is the real deal. In my moments of despair, I try to remember to treat myself as well as he treats me.

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  116. I’m not a wife or a mother (or even a significant-other right now), but your post struck a cord with me. When I was 22, my then boyfriend of 5 years told me that I (at 130lb) was overweight and when I got upset defended himself by saying “would you rather me say it or wait for a doctor to tell you?”

    Now, yes I had put on maybe 10lb since I’d known him – when I was 16. Eating out and drinking beer wasn’t helping either. But he made me feel like I was the most unattractive person he had ever seen. Our relationship didn’t last much longer.

    I’ve had bouts of terrible body image since then. Just this morning, I refused to look at myself before getting in the shower because I’m so ashamed.

    So thanks for sharing – I needed it today. That ex was a terrible boyfriend, but it helps to know there are men like your husband out there in the world.

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  117. This is wonderful– I love your writing, and the sentiment. That said, I come from a different place. My body looks like the first of those two photos you posted. I get a decent amount of approval from daily humans who don’t really matter, telling me that I look like that ideal: men flirt, women make unsolicited comments about “just how skinny I am.” I am not ignorant to the concept of skinny privilege, etc. But *in* relationships, I have never had a man who does what your husband does in the morning in the long term. Watching the outside affirmation that I have a normative body seems to eventually convince partners that my attractiveness is something that I should know well enough, and should no longer need affirmed by them.

    That approach contradicts the point of your post: that *I don’t care* what the world thinks of my body nearly so much as I care what my partner thinks. And because like your husband, most men do actually like a bit more curve than women think they do (research supports this, as well), it is not at all obvious to me that my looking like a photo #1 stereotype means that I am automatically sexy to the one person I care about. I spent a few too many years with a partner who, once he got used to having the body that looks like photo #1, started to casually criticize my lack of more aggressive curves. From personal experience, let me attest that you can feel just as unattractive, just as invisible, being the outside world’s stereotype but *not* having a husband who sings to you every morning. It’s amazing how little it matters what the reality of your body is, or what people think of it on average, when you don’t have that singing from the person you love– and I suspect you may actually be more likely to get the singing, the active affirmation, when your husband feels singularly special for knowing how sexy you are.

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  118. You just made me feel like the prettiest wife in the world, right up there beside you, just like my hubby does everyday too. Thank you 🙂 <3

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  119. The man I love tells me all the time that I’m beautiful, smiles all goofy, then kisses my forehead. Every single time I get embarrassed and tell him to shut up, certainly not believing it or seeing what the hell he could possibly see. After reading this (and tearing up a bit), I don’t think I’ll ever tell him to shut up for saying that again…so thank you, very kindly, for this post.

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  120. Thank you for posting this. It gives me hope! I’ve lost 20lbs. this year – a clothing size (down to a 12) and am still working on it. I just started dating again after 11 years being out of the dating scene and went out with a man with whom I have so much in common. I’m a reasonably attractive woman, bt he’s not interested in me because I’m not the Victoria’s Secret body type. It has been so painful. Here’s hoping I can find a great guy that loves me for WHO I am! 🙂

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    • Here’s hoping (and having faith) that you find someone deserving of the effort and kindness you have shown yourself in the last year. Hugs and cheers to you—thank you so much for taking the time to comment and read. <3

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  121. wow…thank you for making me remember to feel beautiful today tomorrow and always! such a heart felt story and no truer words have been said. bless you amazing beautiful women.

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  122. Thank you for writing this. My husband (who is out babysitting this evening) just shared this link with me in a Facebook message with the caption “yup”. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child and he tells me I’m beautiful every day. I don’t believe him, ever, but maybe now I will start to trust his opinion, or at least value it a little more 🙂

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  123. It’s taken me almost 18 years to believe it when my husband says I’m beautiful and our relationship is better because I’m more comfortable with myself. I know I’m not the prettiest woman in the world and I don’t want to be. I want to be loved for who I am, not what I look like. My husband is the most amazing man I’ve ever known and I’m so very grateful for him.

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    • It’s true Bobbi. I wish I could go back and live so much of my life accepting that when my husband said “You are so beautiful to me” he really did mean it. I wouldn’t be thinking “Oh lord, please don’t let him look at my belly” when I walked by him in the morning, instead I’d allow myself to think “He finds me attractive, so I should find me attractive”. It can change my whole day, a whole mindset, just reframing it. I am so glad you have that, and glad that I have it now. <3

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  124. I find these kind of articles highly hypocritical. One one hand woman want to celebrate all body types and shapes however, when it comes to men they are absolutely adamant about a man’s height. If you are a man who is 5’6” or shorter basically you are not considered desirable. While size shaming is considered a taboo, height shaming a man is considered totally acceptable. How is that we never see male models who are shorter in stature? Women still want to see men who are tall, strong and boasting of a six pack. Its like short men are not supposed be handsome and attractive and in fact even ridiculed if seen with a tall women. Even actors like Tom Cruise, Dustin Hoffman aren’t spared ridicule due to their short stature. Double standards I think!

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    • My husband is 3 inches shorter than I am, and I’m not exactly an Amazon. I think he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on. And he loves it when I wear heels when we go out. 🙂

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    • So many comments and I want to (and WILL) respond to every single one, but I wanted to take a minute to reply to yours first. If this has been your experience, with height shaming—I want to apologize on behalf of those who have treated you that way (they won’t offer any apology so I will do it for them) and made you question your own space in the world—literally and conceptually. I know plenty of women who are married to men who are 5’6ish and are incredibly attracted to them. My husband is 6’4″ and while height was not an issue, he thought girls always overlooked him because he was painfully skinny (he was painfully skinny). My point in offering you these examples is just like the woman with stretch marks or too short legs or large breasts or very small breasts or who is 6 feet tall, the key is finding the person who sees that as their ideal. And then listening when they tell us “this—you—are my ideal”. And I won’t believe you that there isn’t that person out there for you. I just won’t. Maybe you have to look harder or maybe you have to change your own bias or let go of any shaming you have encountered (and I am not discounting this)—but she is there, somewhere—that girl.

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  125. MY husband doesn’t think I am the most beautiful woman in the world because I am not. But, he finds me attractive, sexy, pretty, feminine, strong, full of surprises. Ask him if I am prettiest and he’ll say no.

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  126. It is discouraging how many women have been encouraged by this post. It is far more important to be healthy than to feel beautiful. Beauty will fade, it is beyond our control, our health, however, is something we can do a great deal to control. The husband that supports his wife as she continues to gain weight is not doing her any good. How can you watch someone you love destroy themself? Women overeat, men drink too much. We destroy ourselves in different ways. Spouses should pursue healthy lives together and positively encourage each other to avoid temptation. I could easily sit around all day and eat junk food, so I knew I needed help. Thankfully, I married a man who is huge about fitness and eating right. I’m now pregnant with my 4th in 6 years and I’m just starting to lose my six pack. It takes hard work but health is one of our greatest investments. We show our love for one another and our children by taking good care of ourselves so we will be able to take care of each other for a long time to come. Take care.

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    • Kimberly, I can respect your opinion on this and also the passion for your position in your comment too. In general, I completely agree that healthfulness and attention to making positive health choices is very important. I just don’t think that the way a person looks is necessarily a very good judge of how healthful they are. I was a size 10 when I wrote this piece a year ago and a size 12 now and yet, I go to the gym 3 times a week, walk with my husband every night in good weather and in general, eat in moderation. I am strong and curvy and thick, but I am healthy. So I just want to make sure that we keep that as two separate issues for anyone who reads—I am not condoning any kind of poor choices in health, only the idea that we have to like ourselves where we are right now and listen to the people who like us too. It sounds like you are able to do both of those things and I respect you very much for that. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

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  127. Great Post! I had those same feelings and a husband that consistently tells me I am gorgeous hot and sexy! Just didn’t see it.. still don’t! But I had some boudoir photos taken a few weeks ago and I will have to say they made me feel gorgeous hot and sexy… and my awesome husband has put them up as his wallpaper/desktop on his computer and his phone! It helped me to see me in a new light! We can all be gorgeous hot and sexy…. Especially to those awesome men that see ALL of us!

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  128. This is fantastic! I unfortunately didn’t have that influence in my (ex) husband. He hated when I was pregnant and told me, to my face, that on a scale on 1-10 my face was a 4 and my body was a 3. So reading this gives me hope that there are decent guys out there. Self confidence is such an important thing and when you lose it it takes a long time to build back up. Keep up the awesome blogging! You’ve earned a new fan!! 🙂

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    • Thank you so much, being able to write is a gift to me and to be able to share it——it’s even more amazing! I promise there are decent guys out there (as evidenced by all the amazing men who have commented here).
      PS—I’m glad he’s your ex. <3 <3

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  129. Absolutely wonderful column. I see so much of my wife in your writing. I compliment her, probably not often enough, but I find her beyond beautiful, and a lot of that is because she is such an amazing person, the kindest soul I know. I see her dressing or undressing in the bathroom and trying to hide while I try to catch a sneaky glance at her. Great post, thanks for sharing. Oh and fyi, this 50 year old male finds you very pretty. Your husband is as lucky as you.

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  130. I can’t see any reason to say that either of you are wrong; I know at least your husband is a smart man indeed and you my dear are as well for keeping him around 😉

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  131. What a beautiful piece of writing Nicole! Thank you for sharing these inspirational words. I’m going to repost this on my wall because I think every woman needs to read it.

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  132. Hi Nicole, i read your blog. Blew me away. I thought i was the only one with a wife that had those kind of things going thru her mind. Ive been married to her for 22 years. She was my high school sweetheart. We have together 6 beautiful happy, healthy children. Look i love my wife, i would walk thru fire for her and back. But when i hear her saying things like, “I’m not pretty enough”, or “I’m too fat I need to loose more weight.” “I’m not smart enough for this or that”, it really hurts me. I tell her i love her all the time. I support what she does and try to support her in her dreams. But there’s times i just dislike the way she puts herself down. Like my opinion has no significance. I feel hurt. I thought i was doing right. i thought everything was ok. Why is everything so terrible that she has to say things like that about herself…I guess we all have insecurities to deal with. When i read your post i was just inspired to be a better man, a better husband to my wife. Tho she thinks shes this way or that, I still love her with all the heart the good Lord gave me! and I will always.

    Your husband loves you and if he’s anything like me(husband wise) he puts you on a pedestal that NO ONE even comes close to. I do pray you have love and security in what he provides you with.

    Btw….I always sing to my wife. Shes learn to love it, hahaha.

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    • Mike (a name that is very dear to me), I just feel the love you feel for your wife in this comment, it gave me goosebumps. And this is important, such a fair point about your opinion being valid too—that when you say she is beautiful or smart of perfect THAT has value and that it hurts when it is not accepted. I think it’s something as women we don’t mean to disvalue, but more that we know that you say it because you love us. I hope I can do my small part to point out, as you have, that saying it for that reason alone is the reason we SHOULD listen to your words and value them. Thank you so much for your inspiring comment. <3

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    • Nice comment sir. I do want to say to you though, that when we dont believe the nice things that our husband say to us, its not at all that we dont believe the husband. However, self esteem or the lack of it is something so deep that it would take alot to correct. So dont take your wifes comments personally.

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    • Nice comment sir. I do want to say to you though, that when we dont believe the nice things that our husband say to us, its not at all that we dont believe the husband. However, self esteem or the lack of it is something so deep that it would take alot to correct. So dont take your wifes comments personally.

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  133. Absolutely love this blog post! You have no idea how much i struggle with my self image. I’m not a curvy girl. In fact, I’m one of those skinny girls people seem to be jealous of, something I’ve never understood. I weigh around 107 lbs right now, with a small butt and size A bra. I cried after my bachelorette party when none of my lingerie fit me because my boobs were too small, and I also cried after I was told at VS that they didn’t sell XS in the store (the lady gave me a look like I should still be shopping in the kids section). People ask me if i’m anorexic or bulemic, and don’t believe me when I tell them it’s genetics. And yet every morning my husband tells me I’m the most beautiful woman he’s seen. I know it hurts him sometimes when I don’t believe him, when I ask him if he wishes he’d married a woman with a bigger ass or awesome boobs. But instead he just smiles and tells me that my breast are perfect, that my ass is amazing, and that there’s no one in the world sexier than me. Glad to know I’m not the only one out here who struggles with this!

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    • Love love love this—and you. I so wanted to convey that this wasn’t a fat/thin or curvy/slender issue but more of a “we all see our own imperfection so clearly and yet there is (hopefully) someone right beside us that sees such beauty”. I am so grateful that you can see that. And it’s funny, I have been everything from a 6-14 in the last 15 years and no matter what size I was, there was always something I saw as something that needed to change on my body. We are so hard on ourselves!
      THank you so much for your post and for reading the piece. It means so much.

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  134. I think I love you!! This is wonderful and you are very talented at putting what a lot of us, into words for others to read. It always makes more sense, at least for me, when it comes from someone other than my husband. I don’t know why. I guess I just expect him to think I’m pretty because I’m the one that gives it to him. Thanks for helping me see he truly thinks I’m gorgeous when he says it. I’m sure my husband is saying thank you!!!!

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  135. That is a really nice reminder about what love should be. I would also love to see non-objectified women. Yes, the second photo gives a more realistic representation of actual female bodies, but they are all half dressed and hairless in all the “right” places. Even campaigns that use real sized models, still usually sexualize the women. Am I EVER going to dress up in that ridiculous looking corset/boyshorts outfit. NO. Am I ever going to spend my precious time shaving my legs or armpits or other places just so others think I look normal? NO. Does that mean that I don’t think I’m sexy or that my husband doesn’t think I’m sexy? NO. Also, with all that beautiful love you have, why even worry about a pants # size? Women’s pants sizes are a ridiculous way to judge/compare. I’m a very tall lady and when I’m at a “skinny” BMI I already have a pants size larger than yours. The # means nothing and should not be used as a qualifier. We just get one arbitrary number to compare across heights while men get an actual length & a waist measure… are we being set up to judge ourselves and other women? Yup.

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  136. I love this! I am recently remarried to a much older man ( 25 years ) a mother of 4 wonderful children which I gained over 75lbs during each pregnancy my body stretched in places I didn’t even know existed. I’m far from what is perfect in today’s society. My ex always teased n belittled me telling me my stomach looked like a road map ( stretch marks ) and would jiggle the loose skin from getting so big while pregnant. I wore jeans n a tshirt 2-4 times to big to hide what to me was my disgusting body. I was my own worst enemy trying not to be noticed until I met my amazing husband now. He’s 58 grey headed with a mustache that looks like it’s from the olden days with scars all over his body from years of hard work but to me he’s the sexiest man around. Daily wether it’s face to face or via text during our busy lives tells me how beautiful I am inside and out. I read this crying the entire time you have explained so many woman myself included and have touch hundreds I’m sure. I’m proud to say I still wear my big clothes but now only when were laying around relaxing I even broke down this past summer n bought a pair of capris that I love n a sun dress I proudly wore walking arm in arm with my husband to a social event. Your an amazing woman, mother and wife thank you for speaking out. I don’t feel alone in this….. Keep writing you have touch many of people I’m sure hundreds……

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    • Dee, I don’t know you but I can tell you this with such complete and utter certainity: everything your husband gives you, all the love and kindness and attention—you deserve it.

      Thank you for telling me your story and for reading the piece. I feel so blessed I get to read comments like yours. <3

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  137. It’s easier for men to lie to themselves and accept what they have. Sure, that Victoria Secret’s model is hot and that’s what we would prefer — but us men understand we’ll never get that. The girl in bed with stretch marks and bullet holes is real and right here…and she’ll be glad to have sex with us if we compliment her. Sex feels the same with pretty much any woman to a man, double so if the lights are out.

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  138. This is really beautiful. But it makes me very sad too because my husband doesn’t do that. I am a size 2 but he hasn’t wanted me in many years. I can’t even tell you the self loathing and depression that I have even if the rest of the world might say that I am pretty. The one guy that matters doesn’t.

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  139. Being a single mom of 4 boys, I wish I knew what you meant. The 2 men I met were not strong enough to stay a daddy. But we got this! GOD is a much better daddy than any earthly man and that is all I can focus on right now. You write very well. It was great to read. Nice job!

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  140. Thank you SO much for this! I really needed to hear it. I had my first child about eight months ago, and I definitely don’t feel beautiful most days. Despite the fact that I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant, I don’t fit into most of my old clothes because my body is shaped differently than it used to be. I spend most of my day covered in at least one of my daughter’s bodily fluids, and I only get a chance to shower maybe twice a week. Even when I shower, I don’t have the time or patience to shave my legs (plus, it IS warmer in the winter this way!) I flop into bed exhausted and feeling “touched out”, and I sometimes get annoyed when my husband makes a move on me. Doesn’t he get it? Doesn’t he know how tired I am? I don’t feel sexy. I don’t want to be touched.
    This blog was like a lightbulb for me. Even if I don’t feel sexy, he thinks I am. And THAT makes me feel kinda sexy. 🙂

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  141. What a beautiful post; it brought tears to my eyes.

    When I was in my 20’s and weighed 127 lbs., my husband told me I was too fat, and compared me to other women. In my 50’s, I weigh a dangerous 240 lbs. I use my weight as a buffer to keep my husband away.

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  142. I’ve been long divorced, honestly, but even when married -and it was a marriage for religious reasons that no longer rule my life- he rarely if ever complimented me. My boyfriends (two of them) in the intervening years rarely if ever did that, either. I’m currently single, have been for some time. It may just be I’m too picky, or the fact that 99% of the guys I hang out with are gay. Possibly both. Regardless, I’m not a big girl. I’m the absolute opposite. I wear a size 4. My ribs can be easily felt. The only thing that wobbles is my butt.

    But even small girls like to be told they’re pretty, that their stretch marks on their hips don’t matter. Honestly, its not about being big or small, just about being cherished.

    By no means am I one of those skinny girls that eats half a grape and says she’s full. My poor diet often consists of potatoes and cheese, bacon, and chocolate pie. God I love my chocolate pie.

    I’m not at all saying anything bad over the good intentions of this post, but sometimes -and I don’t know if its just me or if others feel this too- but when bigger girls look down on us smaller ones because we are smaller, and that happens to be more in line with societal desires, it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. The saying, for instance, that “real women have curves” is an absolute crock of shit. A real woman is one who loves herself, big or small. I’ve been told that I don’t know anything about food because I’m so small I must be anorexic (which should not be a joking matter, its a serious disease), or that guys don’t like me because I’m too bony just shows the insecurity of the speaker.

    So women, before you go down on yourself about being too big, just remember that skinny really isn’t all its cracked up to be. If you have a man or woman that loves you for you, hold onto that, but make sure you save some time to love yourself too. Without that, you’ll never be anything but s shadow.

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  143. You’re amazing. … I’ve struggled with my weight because I’ve never had one to tell me im beautiful enough ….. I’ve always had the one to tell me I’m gaining too much weight after 8 miscarriages having 2 kids and dying twice having one of those kids because of a heart condition. .. you my dear are amazingly beautiful…

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  144. strange how a woman will not believe a husband she is married to, loves her, and tries to do what is right, but she believes a woman she has never met !

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  145. Um lady’s not to start an argument but do y’all see the problem is ya didn’t listen to your men were not all ignorant barbarians yes were simple cause we don’t filter what we say but we do say what we mean at the time

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  146. You are so blessed to have found someone like your husband. My tale is not as wonderful, After 3 pregnancies, 2 c- sections and 33 years of marriage, my husband hated the way I looked. He constantly degraded me, wondered why I couldn’t be thin for “Him”. After 20 + years of this verbal abuse, I made a choice to ignore it and try to go on with my lie enjoying him as much as I could and loving my children and my career. Too bad he held onto resentment of me and envy of our friends wife. Low and behold I found them sleeping together in my own home and he not only betrayed mt, but my childeren our extended family and her family as well.
    There is a happy ending though; I kicked his butt out, completed divorce and now I am on my own with 2 wonderful grown sons, a beautiful daughter in law and my life in Christ! I am happier now than I have ever been, all thanks to a BIG Jerk of a Man who was selfish and mean.
    I pray that I will find a loving man someday, like your husband.

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    • Let’s just say, I understand some of this in the way you do—and it makes me so much more grateful for what I have now and aware of what I didn’t have before. Your story is proof that nothing is finite, that anything can change if we accept to change it and that there is always a happy ending even when it all seems impossibly bleak in the middle of the story. Peace and blessings and hope to you, that you find that someone that gives you what you deserve. And in the meantime, joy from me that you have such courage and love in your life.

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  147. As a man I can honestly say that most men love there wives unconditionally. Women spend so much time putting themselves down and thinking they are ugly that it really hurts the intimacy in the relationship. A lot of women do not want their husbands to see them naked because they are embarrassed about how they look, when all their husband wants is to see them ( and feel them ). I wish advertisers where not so good at their jobs, they have women wanting to be perfect before they feel pretty and as a result they loose part of what makes them beautiful

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    • This is really important for women to read and understand. And the more men I hear from in relation to this piece, this is the universal sentiment. It’s so wonderful you shared it with us, thank you so much.

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  148. Great post – you are an captivating writer. I associated so closely with this and I’m sure almost any modern American woman would as well. Similarly, I’m engaged to a man who thinks I am THE bees knees, and he tells me this all the time. However, I can’t help but focus on the negative things I see in the mirror. The only difference is, I’m a size 0. No matter what shape or size, we have been conditioned to be insecure. Unfortunately, our exterior affects our interior, so it can take a toll on your mental well-being. I am slowly learning to love myself, day by day. I hope you can learn to love yourself, too. What’s the worst that could happen? 🙂

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    • “What’s the worst that could happen?”—-YES! RIght? LOL. NO matter what our size and even those of us with the strongest sense of self can be shaken sometimes. Having faith that when our spouse says “you are beautiful” that he truly means can change the whole thing up.

      Best wishes on your marriage and a long healthy life together. Thank you so much for comment and for reading!

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  149. WOW! I needed this…glad I came across it. I’m so insecure about myself since becoming a mother. Reading this helped me so the bigger picture…past the insecurities. My husband AND our son tell me I’m beautiful everyday and they love me more than anything. That is what it is all about. Thank you!

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  150. I think it’s delightful that more than a year after it was originally written, your beautiful post is still being shared to inspire and encourage others to love themselves. Thank you for the reminder that beauty has nothing at all to do with the size of your jeans!

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  151. Women’s fashion is an absolute mystery to men which we make no effort to pay attention to, and which in fact bores us to the point of banging our heads against a wall. The idea that ultra-thin photoshopped models represent some kind of standard which anybody expects anybody else to conform to is patently absurd. They’re a consumerist fantasy image, created by fickle women for fickle women to push products that only fickle women want. Having one’s self-esteem destroyed by them reflects more on the woman complaining than society at large; nobody else actually gives a shit.

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  152. Thank you so much for your honesty in this article! My husband tells me that I’m gorgeous as often as he can and sadly, I try to convince him that he’s wrong. You are so right that – I am listening to people who don’t know me and don’t matter. I will take my husband’s words as the treasures that they are! Thank you again. <3

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  153. Amazingly enough I found this because my husband posted it to Facebook and tagged me in it. I just had our 2nd daughter and have been saying I need to work on my tummy. Apparently he thinks differently lol. Its a wonderful feeling to be loved like that.

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  154. I noticed scrolling through the comments, there were not that many men weighing in on your post. Take it from me, I can completely see your husbands point of view. I myself have been married for almost 14yrs. I try to tell my beautiful wife what I see almost every day, only to get one of those “you need your eyes/head examined” looks. It doesn’t make us feel very well either when we try to tell you all how good you look and we are just dismissed as either wanting something, or trying to throw you meaningless compliments, neither of which are true.

    In closing, I would say your husband and I would disagree, I believe my wife is the most beautiful woman in the world 🙂

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  155. Lucky You because you are married to on of the TOP 100 HUSBANDS IN THE UNIVERSE. He sounds terrific. Thank you for sharing. So many women do not appreciate the unique beauty they each have Theresa.

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  156. My wife just shared this with me. I laughed because it’s so true, I am always trying to catch a glimpse of her rack! 🙂 The only thing I would have to argue with is that my wife Krista, is in fact, the most beautiful wife in the world, sorry 🙂

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  157. Be so very lucky your husband does that. Mine just tells me how my breath smells rancid and whatever critical words that come out of his mouth. I have cancer and you would think I would get an ounce of sympathy or empathy. You are one lucky woman.

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  158. I have told my wife many times…… it’s my prayer that one day you will be able to see yourself through my eyes. I pray that for each of you.

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  159. … And what about those of us whose husbands legitimately do not try to seek oeeks? Who would not meet us anywhere for a quickie?

    This is so beautifully written, and such a lovely sentiment, I just wanted to weigh in and say that your self esteem is most stable when it doesn’t depend on anyone’s opinion. My husband is wonderful, but my looks mean nothing to him. Not because I’m terribly ugly, but because they just don’t matter. It hurt me for a long time because I desperately wanted reassurance. It wasn’t until I stopped worrying about my looks as part of my self worth that I starred feeling better.

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  160. You don’t need to base your self-worth on how pretty you are, that is a conscious decision that needs to be made on an individual level. Let’s be real here, some people are born much prettier than others and most women aren’t exactly longed for after a certain age (and most women categorically deny men according to age as well) so it really starts with you. We choose who we are. Women like taller men, I don’t fret over the fact that I’m average height. Magazines show guys with ripped bodies, oh well. Bet they get laid all the time, good for them.

    See what I’m doing there? Not caring what people think. If I want a really pretty woman I’d need to have certain things, a great job, a crafted look, more pointed conversational acumen etc. That’s a pretty woman’s expectations, they don’t settle for a schmo. They want what’s on their level.

    No wanting, no fretting over not possessing what you need to have it.

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  161. An amazing read! Wouldn’t it be great to just catch a glimpse of ourselves through someone else’s eyes, just for a moment? Thank you for sharing with us!

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    • It would, it really really would. I think, as I read through all these comments (and so many of them from husbands too) that the way my husband says he sees me is truly how he sees me and honestly, even after writing this piece and reading all of this, I struggle with fully accepting it! It is certainly a process, but writing this piece and reading these comments helps move it along. Slowly, but surely. <3

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  162. What a beautiful post, and I’m glad you followed it up with a picture of yourself, because you really are very pretty. Found yourself a good man.

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  163. Must be nice to only be a size 10. I do have a guy like that…this size 24 with stretch marks from kids and rapid weight gain, and hairy legs will never stop him from saying I am beautiful. I havr been both fat and skinny as an adult. Size is NOT what determines beauty…it is how one looks at one’s self. My view of myself really sucks. 🙁

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  164. Like you, i have four children. My husband has always told me that I am beautiful. I was teased my whole life about my appearance. I am very tall, have red hair, Lots of freckles, etc. So, of course i never believed him. I was just amazed and very happy to have found him. And no matter what my body has gone through, he finds me more lovely each year. Everyone deserves that. I have always been this way. All it took was the voice of love to help me love myself, too. Your story was awesome. And your man is very wise and lucky! 🙂

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  165. Very good point- we should listen to those who truly do see us and know us as our true selves. The size/shape/color/sexuality of the woman does not matter, nearly all have insecurities because of our society. Whatever you ARE, society has something that says it’s not good enough. Even men go through this. Mine used to be fat and so many girls wanted to tell him, “no one else will love you but me because you are big.” I try to help him see himself as I see him, but it’s hard to practice what you preach.

    Your post made me realize he does the same for me, in different ways, and I wanted to thank you <3

    Also, funny to me- I had to go tell him I won’t get mad at him any more in the morning for waking me by laying his arm across me… reading it in your words, I see it differently now.

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  166. I am a husband. This is all spot on. I think that way about my wife. She had all my kids, so I think I think she is even hotter. She doesn’t believe me and interprets it as me being desperate or just plain wanting some. It is not true. I have become overweight myself, and I may not be the Brad Pitt I used to be. She formed a crush on another guy a few years back and questioned her love for me and went through that crisis in life, but she decided to stay with me. I was crushed for a while, but I still love her the same. I still think the same way about her and forgive her, but I don’t think she feels the same about me. We hardly ever get it on as she just isn’t into me. Oh, well. To this day, no other women compares to my wife, not even models or young girls that seem to be adventurous. I love her body because she is my wife, and she is just the way she was when I married her. It’s all about how she thinks and how she looks. I don’t care if she was 300 pounds. She would still be hot to me. I just want all you women to know that when you feel ugly and your husband tells you that you are hot, it is not a trick. He is serious. No matter how much you have changed over the years, your husband sees you as you were when you fell in love. Just take it from me.

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    • I went through so many emotions when I read this comment from you. Thank you so much for saying it so plainly (and so many of us need to hear it) and kindly. I can feel the love you have for your wife, she is lucky. I am lucky you read the piece and took the time to comment too. Thank you so much.

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  167. I feel EXACTLY that way about my wife. She is my dream girl, the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen and being a mommy to my children only made her that much more beautiful. I only wish she would learn to accept it when I tell her all of those things instead of argue as to why I am incorrect. One of these days I’ll get tired of my words falling on deaf (and stubborn) ears and my effort and love being belittled, and stop saying it. Breaks my heart.

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  168. I really liked reading this. It is so true, if someone really loves you, it doesn’t matter to them how you look. None of us are perfect and I often think about what movie stars must go through to maintain their looks. It’s there lively hood, but it must very hard because we are very critical of each other and ourselves. I’ll definitely share this on facebook..

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  169. Thank you for this. We as a society put far too much emphasis on looks. Sometimes it’s hard to listen to our spouses when they tell us we are beautiful. I’ve rolled my eyes more than once when my husband said it to me with my sweat pants on, my hair unbrushed, and more than a few extra pounds, but I know he sees beauty even when I don’t. But we as women need to let them know that we find them attractive also. My husband lost 40 lbs and he still sees himself as much heavier than he is and can’t understand or accept when I tell him he’s sexy but I keep saying and showing him that I see him that way even if he can’t yet.

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  170. Great post. Good insight on body image. I wish my husband would cuddle/sing to me and tell me sweet things like that. You are a lucky lady to have a husband that will take the time to do that. Im sure it feels really good knowing he thinks your beautiful.

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  171. I really wish MY wife would believe this. Thanks to the previous husband spending all his time looking at picture one that’s ruined it for her. Among other things of course but that ones a kicker!

    To me she is beautiful. Some would agree, some wouldn’t. Most would agree it’s true on the inside, some would agree it’s true on the outside. And with all this agreeing going on I can still make up my own mind thank you very much!

    If only she could see her beauty too. Her mind has been made by a minority making the loudest noise.

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  172. Thank you for that! 🙂 My self esteem is terrible, and when I hit the Victoria Secret picture I just started balling. No, I’m not a model, but I’m a size 8 with stretch marks, huge boobs and a very soft pudgy tummy. I have that spare tire, and I run from being seen naked. I believe that we are our own worst critics. Keep writing. Phenomenal.

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  173. No matter what the picture with the skinny girls are a lot better the skinny girl will always be better. As for the plus size girls guys are going to tell you you’re beautiful because they don’t want to hurt your feelings

    I would never date a plus size girl just my opinion not really trying to judge but just in my opinion the skinny girls will always be better. I never found plus size girls attractive

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  174. No matter what the picture with the skinny girls are a lot better the skinny girl will always be better. As for the plus size girls guys are going to tell you you’re beautiful because they don’t want to hurt your feelings

    I would never date a plus size girl just my opinion not really trying to judge but just in my opinion the skinny girls will always be better. I never found plus size girls attractive

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  175. No matter what the picture with the skinny girls are a lot better the skinny girl will always be better. As for the plus size girls guys are going to tell you you’re beautiful because they don’t want to hurt your feelings

    I would never date a plus size girl just my opinion not really trying to judge but just in my opinion the skinny girls will always be better. I never found plus size girls attractive

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  176. Really enjoyed reading this…if you can call crying through the whole blog and subsequent posts enjoying something! Really, though, it’s wonderful. Thank you so much for opening my eyes! From someone who refuses to take her top of during a ‘quickie’ so that I have something to cover my done-lap only to just make her husband mad that he can’t see everything because he actually WANTS to see EVERYTHING, it is so very appreciated! We just hit 14 years, and two children and many ups and downs of life later, I am still that beautiful woman he stole away in the prime of her beauty. He still sees me that way almost. 60 pounds heavier, more strands of grey added every day, and sans make-up 90% of the time. I get the looks while showering, changing, bending over to clean the floor, and they aren’t sneak peeks… He’s very deliberate on what he’s doing. I came to loathe those looks and even the touches I guess because of how I felt about myself, I’d roll my eyes and make a smart ass remark about ‘insert any of the most hated body parts’ and him touching it. Most of the time I do the Truffle Shuffle a la Chunk from the Goonies, but I digress. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. As I type this out I can hear my husband snoring in the bedroom and I want to cuddle up behind him, slide my arm around his body and sing terribly in his ear. But then I remembered that I would first have to move the drooling 4-year old that’s nestled against his back first and waking her could be VERY dangerous! Ah, such is life… I will be sure to give him big loves later!

    Also, kudos to you, ma’am for checking in so often and replying to those that have responded to you ( both positively and negatively). It goes to show your inner beauty and a glimpse of that wonderful woman your husband adores. Keep up the great work, beautiful momma!

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  177. This was a great blogg and I agree with the point shes making…. It’s just my hubby would tell me to turn the lights out, so not see my fat or stretch marks… so I don’t think I was one of the people she asked when she “asked around”. My husband tells me all the time to loose weight. Hes even moo’s a couple times.. lol jk. My body weight and looks in general are a constant topic with us. The truth is, in the past few years our sexual encounters could be counted with two hands maybe… I don’t even know how I got pregnant this last time with our 9 month old. I wasn’t never his “type”… He like thick sexy Latinas with big booties, I was a thin white girl with blond hair… very different! But still, I was tolerable because I was thin and had a pretty face, but over the years, 10 to be exact, I have become discussing to him. I am not dirty or smelly, but I am 200 lbs., 5’9” and I’ve had 5 kids, so you can only imagine! So yes our society pushes a certain image, but our husbands DO see us for what we really are…. And if what you really are is fat and disgusting, they’re going to see that and not whisper I have the prettiest wife in the world …. and btw I really doubt that this husband even does that or perhaps he does, but it’s intentionally to make her feel good…. Happy wife, happy life, right?! I dont know this blogg was just too mushy for me.

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    • I understand your position and respect your thoughts. It really is kind of mushy, lol…but sometimes mushy is good. My husband does sing (although not every single morning lately since this post was written a year ago), but still very often. He also kisses me when he walks in the door each day and tells me I am beautiful each and every day. I am hardly beautiful to myself each day.
      I know this is not true for every wife and I wish truly it were. I think we, each of us, deserve to feel beautiful to our husbands if this is something we want. Words and kindness are free things to give each other, but they are worth so much. Love and respect color our view of beauty—and I’m glad they do. No, I am not the prettiest wife in the entire world. But to my husband, I am the center of his entire world and that seems more than plenty to me.
      Thinking of you, wishing you peace and thanking you for reading the essay. <{

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  178. First of all you don’t look like a size 10, and thank you. I needed this. My husband tells me all the time Im beautiful and I always have some smart remark. Like of course you do, your stuck with me. or you only say that to get me in bed. But he isn’t stuck with me, he can leave and he doesn’t have to get me in bed, he could be out with women on the side. But he’s not. He is with ME.

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    • He is with you! 🙂 And he chooses to be. And his choice is valid and built on love and respect for what I’m guessing is kind BEAUTIFUL and loving wife. Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to comment—I am grateful. <3

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  179. You are very beautiful and your husband is very lucky! He is certainly a keeper! You almost described me, only I am much older. I love my husband, he is not GQ material, but he is my guy! He makes me fell very special. You made every woman who read your blog feel very special! Thank you!

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  180. My husband, also named Michael (Mike) sings to me more than he speaks to me. I have been on this crazy weight loss quest and he keeps telling me “don’t lose your butt.” It’s impossible to go to the grocery store without being surrounded by images of what we think beauty looks like. It’s so nice to read your blog as a reminder that our husbands love us just the way we are.

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  181. This was absolutely amazing! I just had my first child 9 weeks ago and I still don’t look or feel the same as before. I had a perfect body, back dimples and even a 6 pack, now I have flubber that moves and shakes when I walk. My SO loves me even more today than before I had our child. I am always hard on myself, I feel less than I did and I hate it. I am just now accepting myself for who I am, the body that beared our beautiful little girl and has become the best snuggles (because I now have meat on my bones) for my SO. He doesn’t want me to change a thing. I love myself and every single woman in the world should as well! We are ALL beautiful!!!

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  182. I’m not all that chubby but my tummy is a mess from C-sections. I am pale and freckly and have the devil’s red hair 🙂 my husband says I am hot and beautiful and sexy… When you are not a confident person, it is hard to believe compliments. I try every day to see the person my husband sees. We women are too hard on ourselves. Thank you for a wonderful story.

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  183. Thank you for this! Never again will I doubt my husband when he says I’m pretty. Never will I again say “No I’m not”. I totally get it now. Thank you for writing this!

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  184. this was an amazing (and entertaining) read that really made me feel better about myself. im 6ft, weighed 165 when i got pregnant and weighed 232 when i had my daughter. im back down to 175 but ive been extremely hard on myself, sometimes going days without eating as punishment. my husband tells me that im gorgeous but its really hard to believe it when i know what i looked like before my pregnancy. this article put my a lot into prospective for me and i thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for writing this. its extremely comforting to know im not alone in my thoughts.

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  185. This brought me to tears. My boyfriend is always telling me im beautiful just being me. Right away in the morning, at work (we work together at a saw mill, def not a beauty pageant there!), at night when i acctually get the chance to TRY and resemble a normal woman for date night when we can get a sitter. No matter how many times i hear it, i still doubt myself. Your blog made me realize that he isnt putting me on. That he most likely means it! Thank you!!

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  186. My husband and I have this conversation all the time! He tries to sneak a peek at me whenever he can and I rush to cover up. I’ve never been overly confident about my body, but since having my son it has gotten a lot worse. I want to believe him, but the voices in my head are so much louder:( Thank you for this though, as it helps to know I am not the only one going through this…here’s hoping one day his voice will be louder than mine:)

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    • Here IS to hoping that, friend. Read the comments above from all the husbands that say just what your husband is saying about their wives—I am truly convinced that when he says it, he means it. That being said, oh lord, doesn’t having a baby change everything? You already know about my DD-longs. I’m guessing it can’t be anything near as bad as that! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  187. My boyfriend of almost four years isn’t attracted to me. He never tries to check me out and certainly wouldn’t drop everything (anything) to have sex–I practically have to beg him to, actually. I guess I just thought that was normal after being with someone for a while… I thought it was okay that’s he’s not attracted to me since I gained weight. At least he’s honest, right? We have our share of problems, but even when he really loved me he wasn’t very attracted to me. Is it wrong that he thought I was beautiful when I was in shape and that he doesn’t now?

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  188. My husband and I wake up on the first alarm. I hit snooze and pray for him until the other alarm goes off. He kisses me on the neck and says, “:I love you, baby. ” I think he feels my prayers for him. We’re not a religious couple, but I’ve always known he’s a spiritual blessing.

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  189. It’s love…………… I think (still after 12 years) that my tiny, fantastic 40 kg philippine wife is the most beautiful woman on earth (I’m a big Swedish guy). She had 3 kids stretch marks and all that comes with it but I don’t care!! To me she will always be the prettiest in the world…… That’s it!!!!!!!

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  190. Wow, Wow. Wow!!!! I have read many blogs, but this one really, really hits home. I too am lucky enough to have married a man who still see’s the me inside. I have lost and gained my body weight more times through our marriage (of 40 years) than I can count. Every time I start a diet, he tells me that I look perfect to him. Thankfully most of us find those special men eventfully.

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  191. I asked around?
    Really… and the husbands ave their gods honest truthful opinion..?

    Or was it just easier to say what needed to be heard?
    If guys got this far in a relationship they have given up on the sweaty, lusty part of it all..sure they still want sex, but they learnt what needs to be said at what point as well to keep the relationship good, and they know they are in for the long haul. They are ‘good guys’. They dont cause trouble, they want to make you happy.

    It doesn’t mean that they dont look at other younger, hotter girls.. they are men.
    It doesnt mean if you joined the gym and slimmed down, worked out, and toned up they wouldnt jump for joy inside.
    im a man.. they are men. Advertising companies know what we like. we like ‘that up top’.

    sorry.. its just how it is.
    Can’t believe ‘I asked around’ ??? 🙂

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  192. I asked around?
    Really… and the husbands ave their gods honest truthful opinion..?

    Or was it just easier to say what needed to be heard?
    If guys got this far in a relationship they have given up on the sweaty, lusty part of it all..sure they still want sex, but they learnt what needs to be said at what point as well to keep the relationship good, and they know they are in for the long haul. They are ‘good guys’. They dont cause trouble, they want to make you happy.

    It doesn’t mean that they dont look at other younger, hotter girls.. they are men.
    It doesnt mean if you joined the gym and slimmed down, worked out, and toned up they wouldnt jump for joy inside.
    im a man.. they are men. Advertising companies know what we like. we like ‘that up top’.

    sorry.. its just how it is.
    Can’t believe ‘I asked around’ ??? 🙂

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  193. What a lovely story. I am getting close to 60 and my body is doing some odd things. I had a mastectomy years ago so I decided to have an implant. I let the doctor do a reduction on the remaining breast because I had a plan that I was going to lose a lot of weight and have little perky boobs. It didn’t happen. Now I am shaped like a gourd. After menopause I lost a lot of armpit hair. The only problem is that it seems to be coming out my nose. I’m not terribly overweight but I have a stomach that kind of hangs there, it happened after having 2 babies. I see all these things that society would probably think are wrong but I don’t really care. Gravity has not been my friend for a long time. I am blessed to be loved, and I thoroughly enjoyed your article.

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  194. Loved this, passed it on to as meny woman in my life as I could. I have 3 daughters and all suffer from peer,media and social pressure. I tell my wife ( 11 yrs younger) that she is stunning, looks hot dressed up or in painting gear, I have and would again drive a 100 miles to spend time in her arms. I love the line ” My finest hour was the one I spent watching you shower”. My love and need for her is no less now than when we met. If this blog makes her smile and lift a sexy eye brow just once while I watch her dress a make a complement, then just maybe I can get her on the road to believeing in herself and not to give a flying f..k about what anybody else thinks.

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  195. Awesome story. You are a very lucky woman. Sounds like you have a man that loves you with all his heart and soul.
    My boyfriend is almost the same way. Tells me daily how much he loves me and how sexy and beautiful I am. But at least once a week he feels The need to tell me I need to start juicing and go to the gym, or show me pics of how I looked when we met and say see how thin you looked then. Yes I was 20 lbs lighter then and I am trying to lose the 20 lbs. But its hard with the meds I’m on now for seizures. But he doesn’t seem to get it even after I had him talk to my neurologist.

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  196. Even if I’m one of those very thin, young girls with no stretch marks or such, I’m still very insecure about my body. Some people might argue I have nothing to be insecure about – I know, but it’s the society that tells me to get fit, have longer legs, bigger boobs, more curves, bigger ass, no acne scars on my back, this and that kind of hair, face… and so on. Bigger (bitchy) girls might argue, that I’m just making it all up, and that I’m privileged, because I’m thin. I might be privileged, but that doesn’t mean I’m automatically happy with my body.

    This was a great post with a very important message. Thank you.

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  197. I’m one of those very thin young girls, and I’m insecure about my body. Some people might argue I have nothing to be insecure about, which is true, but after getting bullied and called ugly on daily basis, it’s difficult to accept myself and believe what my boyfriend says. Society tells me that I need to have bigger boobs, more curves, more ass, no acne scars on my back, longer legs, better teeth and this and that, everything I don’t have.

    My boyfriend tells me I’m the prettiest girl on earth, and I still don’t believe him. Everyone, even strangers, have told me I’m beautiful, but I still choose to believe the boys who bullied me and what society tells me. It’s RIDICULOUS.

    Even if I don’t have the same issues what bigger and older women have when it comes to their bodies, this was a great post with a very important message. Thank you.

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    • I walked away feeling that way about this post too. I loved how she didnt skinny shame she simply stated that there is more than one type of beauty. I’m super thin myself and I often feel self-concious about it but my husband tells me I am beautiful and loves me the way I am.
      Skinny, athletic, lil extra to love, you name it, we are all beautiful in the eyes of the men who love us and it’s time we start remembering what our loved ones tell us vs what the world tells us.

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  198. What an amazing post, absolutely true, every word of it! A summarized, translated version of your post was actually published on the website of a Finnish radio station. Here’s a link to it, even though you won’t understand, but you can have a look anyway if you like: http://www.voice.fi/suhteet/liikuttava-kirjoitus-leviaa-netissa-koskettaa-lahes-jokaista-parisuhteessa-elavaa-naista/4/69241

    I’m not married myself but I have a boyfriend who constantly tells me that I’m beautiful. At first, it was very hard to believe but with time I’ve learnt to appreciate it. I think we are our own worst enemies, we are too harsh on ourselves and our looks, comparing ourselves to everyone else.

    Thank you for an amazing post!

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  199. Beautiful! You are so lucky that your husband tells you every day that you are beautiful. I too am lucky enough to have a husband that every day tells me I’m beautiful, sexy, etc. I always think to myself “yeah right”. We woman are so hard on ourselves. I am so grateful that he says it, just wish I believed it too.

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  200. Wow, inspirational!! Funny thing is that I don’t remember the last time my ex had told me that I was pretty or if he ever did. My boyfriend now tells me that I’m beautiful all of the time. Do I believe it? No. Do I believe that he thinks I am? Yes. He makes me feel so much better about myself!! I had 4 children before I met him also and believe me my stretch marks aren’t pretty! This one is a keeper 🙂

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  201. What a wonderful post. My wife sent this to me – I’m so glad that your words are speaking to her. She needs and deserves to know she’s beautiful, in my eyes and in general.

    I also have to say that the sheer number of comments from men and women who are affirming what you posted about and what I already knew – that these women are exceptionally beautiful and find themselves incapable of believing that – makes me so incredibly sad. What spiritual, emotional and intellectual poverty we live in, that so many women can’t bring themselves to believe that someone, anyone, would think highly of them.

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  202. I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT YOU LOVE ME FOR ME NOT THE PACKAGE I COME IN AS A PLUS SIZED WIFE OF 29 YEARS MY HUSBAND LOVES ME AS I AM AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS !!!!! THANKS FOR SHARING NICOLE

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  203. Great blog even better are the comments from the many wives of the men who feel the same for them. Men who still think they are beautiful after all the years have settled in to their skin. I had a relationship for 6 years and have two kids from a prior marriage. He always said I was beatuiful and would love me no matter what but as the years moved on he said that less. His comments slowly moved to if I got fat he would leave and as I lost my motivation to exercise he soon said nothing about my external beauty. He left after 6 years to find something easier on the eyes. Now I have two perfect young men, my sons telling me I am perfect the way I am everyday. Stay beautiful ladies, support one another and don’t feel you need to change for anyone. Unless it is “into something a bit more comfortable” for your partner.

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  204. You are beautiful. My husband says the same to me that im beautiful, sexy and woof whistles when im going to shower. But like you I struggle to see what he sees but take it on faith that what he sees and what he says are true at least in his eyes. And I think he’s sexy and handsome too.

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  205. Thankyou so much for writing this, I cried while I read it. I am the same, I try so hard to believe my boyfriend when he tells me I am beautiful. I wish it wasn’t so difficult. I am just so happy to know that there are other women out there who struggle just as much. I really mean it. Thank you.

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  206. Well, taking it from the photo you posted, you’re a lot prettier than you describe yourself to be. But that’s not the point, is it? That there was a great little pep talk for all those women who don’t think they’re beautiful enough. So thanks.

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